Dazzler

Got to be on the bench. He can't have been doing much training, even away from the group with a gammy back.

"so I'm told"

Have we established which on is for the sausages and which one is for the bed wetters? I'm likely to traverse both during the match, but I'd like to know which of my personalities should post where in advance.

They used to fly off the shelves(table) back when I worked at sports direct 20 years ago. It was inevitable that Donnays would come back into style, look at them... £15 for comfort, class and style. For an extra fiver you could get the ones with plastic air bubbles - in a range of green, red, blue, black or orange. The extra fiver would have you oozing in sophistication, and drowning in the finest heroin-addled blart.

Stop mocking the man!

What type of camera did you use to film it?

Well we've all given you plenty of ideas on how to get out of it, with plenty of time to start setting the scene with your boss.

Menkind have Ataris: Atari Flashback 12 Console (menkind.co.uk) 110 games built in. All shite.

He's got one of them flat heads on the top too. A quick bic of that and the fat cunt is ready to march against Muslim grooming gangs with his EDL brothers.

"But we're brothers" "Aye, as well marra"

Pumas are expensive man They only wear old school Lonsdales or the old donnay trainers sports direct had on the tables near the front:

Aye Howe fit, but having him as a bench/emergency option would be very handy. Tbf if Phillips still has the desire and ability he showed at Leeds, imagine what a post-Howe transformation would look like? Could be fucking terrifying. That said, I think his injuries in recent times would always put me off sticking in a permanent bid for him.

Aye, a loan would do me for now. Gives us until the end of the season to see whether he can be "Howed". If he's up to it then revisit a potential permanent deal in the summer. If he's shit then I'll piggy back him down to Man Utd.

"I actually know" to "personally I believe" is a canny leap in one paragraph, mind.

Always the ones who rifle owt that moves that get the most upset when they get pied off by their long suffering spouses

They used to book an entire hotel out for the staff in Durham. and every year I'd get asked if I needed a room - I'd say no, I'm not going. After the first two they stopped asking . It was always the same shit - the full day sitting through presentations from the heads of departments, some bollocksy award thing, go to the hotel room for a shit, shower and shave and then downstairs for food and a disco. I went to the day bit once, and since it was practically all financial performance shit (a lot of the slides I'd fucking prepared myself) I said why do I need to sit through this shit again, when I already know it. When my manager couldn't give me a good enough reason for my attendance at the day function, I refused to go and used to have practically two days in the office on my own, with a handful of people who'd been off on site so didn't go. "Oh you missed a good night, last night." No. No, I did not. I missed shit food, with shit music and a shit crowd of people with shit craic. I also missed finding out which colleagues were hanging out of other colleagues behind their respective partners backs. I'm fine with that

"shan do, this like" is a personal favourite. My dad says it at every family do, then proceeds to stand up, drain what remains of his pint, and walk out.

Were the changes for head injuries not thanks to Karius too?

I stopped going to Christmas parties a long time ago. They are almost always shit, and I already spend enough time with the people I work with without having to give up personal time too. I used to get anxious about coming up with a valid excuse, especially when I worked for a large, German blue chip, who'd make out like the Christmas do was compulsory, as were their various 'away days'. Nowadays, I just say I can't be fucked and would rather sit on the settee with the bairns and watch a film than spend another minute with people from work. Plus, drunk colleagues always want to complain about their pay, and drunk me is more inclined to tell them they'd probably get paid more if they stopped being a cunt. In jest of course, but I think I need to work on my delivery - I thought it was just the yanks who didn't understand dry humour. It's not. Also, I learned early on that the "what goes on at the party, stays at the party" mantra of work functions is bollocks. I've been dragged in for a bollocking on a Monday for having nothing more than a good time. "Oh you were a bit loud on Friday night, and your language was a bit coarse at times. Some people don't like it. It might be a party and we want everyone to have a good time, but remember you're representing the business at work events." - Fuck off.

I think it's more a case of because we're all boosted and most of us have had it now anyways that people are getting symptoms and just assuming that they have a heavy cold. I am not even sure if the home test kits are even picking up the new variants as I've had two really bad colds in the past few months (still coming down from one now). Took several tests both times and all came back negative, but I am sure the more recent one was Covid.

At some point I'm going to be given counselling from work the amount of times I've searched "suicide" or "kill myself" on various GIF sites

He already should have been a world beater tbf. Fucking Ramos knocking him sparkers royally fucked him over.

"He kept talking about the rainbow serpent and how he got to have a ride on his back. He also mentioned something about tie dye t-shirts and then flat lined"