Dazzler

"shan do, this like" is a personal favourite. My dad says it at every family do, then proceeds to stand up, drain what remains of his pint, and walk out.

Were the changes for head injuries not thanks to Karius too?

I stopped going to Christmas parties a long time ago. They are almost always shit, and I already spend enough time with the people I work with without having to give up personal time too. I used to get anxious about coming up with a valid excuse, especially when I worked for a large, German blue chip, who'd make out like the Christmas do was compulsory, as were their various 'away days'. Nowadays, I just say I can't be fucked and would rather sit on the settee with the bairns and watch a film than spend another minute with people from work. Plus, drunk colleagues always want to complain about their pay, and drunk me is more inclined to tell them they'd probably get paid more if they stopped being a cunt. In jest of course, but I think I need to work on my delivery - I thought it was just the yanks who didn't understand dry humour. It's not. Also, I learned early on that the "what goes on at the party, stays at the party" mantra of work functions is bollocks. I've been dragged in for a bollocking on a Monday for having nothing more than a good time. "Oh you were a bit loud on Friday night, and your language was a bit coarse at times. Some people don't like it. It might be a party and we want everyone to have a good time, but remember you're representing the business at work events." - Fuck off.

I think it's more a case of because we're all boosted and most of us have had it now anyways that people are getting symptoms and just assuming that they have a heavy cold. I am not even sure if the home test kits are even picking up the new variants as I've had two really bad colds in the past few months (still coming down from one now). Took several tests both times and all came back negative, but I am sure the more recent one was Covid.

At some point I'm going to be given counselling from work the amount of times I've searched "suicide" or "kill myself" on various GIF sites

He already should have been a world beater tbf. Fucking Ramos knocking him sparkers royally fucked him over.

"He kept talking about the rainbow serpent and how he got to have a ride on his back. He also mentioned something about tie dye t-shirts and then flat lined"

Captain Raymond Holt is one of my favourite sitcom characters of the last 10 years or so. He made Brooklyn 99 watchable, it would have been beyond shit without him (as it was whenever he wasn't in a scene).

Nowt sadder than a pair of these bad boys getting a good swilling with sewage water:

I hope they give the people in the rows in front plastic bags for their shoes. Nowt sadder than a pair of sambas getting ruined by dirty water.

Dubs will be gutted if he's pulling a sicky for the match and Karius comes in and has a stormer of a game. I also think people have forgotten how good a goalie Karius was at Liverpool before Ramos assaulted him and literally ruined his career. He was fucking mint that season until the CL final - I don't think Dubravka has even been better than decent to good, other than during his initial loan spell for us.

Team Pissy Sausage FTW

Or fixing the roof that pisses itself onto the fans when it rains.

He's a bit old for the Dortmund model, though there is no doubting his ability to put the ball in the net. I'd fucking love him here, but I'd wager we're third in that list if he's got to choose just based on club size and history.

They probably scale their prices depending on the size of the club they play. I wouldn't be surprised if it was more expensive for the home tickets too. It's their cup final, you know marra!

The chronicle are saying Longstaff and Gordon were just rested ahead of tomorrows match.

Howe has said Dubravka's fitness is "currently unclear". "Not sure" on any players returning from injury tomorrow "You can read into it whatever you want... [Gordon, Dubravka & Longstaff missing from training] - We're two days after a game so we're trying to manage players. We'll see who's fit for tomorrow." As ever, I am not sure what to make of this

Aye but when did you last wave your willy?

I wouldn't mind trying ayahuasca or DMT now tbh. Pretty much everyone that I've seen comment on the stuff says it can be life changing - proper third eye shit. Apparently, some dealers are doing DMT vape pens these days

It looks like the shadow of a man with a winnet dangling off a very long arse hair now.

BBC is saying Burn will be back on the bench for the weekend's game, so I think it's unlikely we'll see him tomorrow but there is hope!

Aye, not many of those players have been even remotely successful so far - if any. Mudryk looks like one of the worst signings in PL history in terms of value at this point and that Argentinian lad they spunked £100m on is still trying to find his way out of Miley's pocket.