Offshore Toon

I didn't realise we were supposed to be writing songs. *Puts on song-writing cap* Owen, owen, owen, owen, owen!

We should bring in somebody as a replacement/competition for Viduka, at the very least. I still think he will be able to offer us a lot for a few more seasons.

I got off to a rocky start with Michael, but we've patched things up and we're both mature enough to put the past behind us.

I've never liked Lennon, and I certainly don't rate him as highly as N'Zogbia.

Good win. The only downside is that NOTW will be printing rumours about a Mike Ashley sex-tape tomorrow.

My bet on Fenerbahce to win obviously paid off. Me > you.

He is a quality player, but I can't see him coming here.

Bentley won't be signed for free, however, thus altering the storyline completely. You know what, I don't even think you're an author. You're a liar is what you are.

Although I am pleased with his current performances, I am reserving the right to turn on him at any point of which I desire.

With the momentum that we're building up, I've decided to put a cheeky punt on us winning the Champions League this season.

Best. Day. Ever.

Oh, what a night. Beating the yids > everything.

That would be quite an impressive buy. It would be very risky for the price we'd have to pay, though.

http://www.nufc.com/ There's some hope.

Dawson, I suppose.

They're not going to drop this, are they? Wankers.

What a complete cunt.

With this coming out and us winning this weekend, I think it's fair to say that Derby are a bigger joke than us at the moment.

Has anyone got a picture of Bobby with that scarf and hat?

Pool.

Let the good times roll.

We better not bloody blow this one.

Tottenham and Liverpool.

8.

CHAMPIONSHIP Live - Birmingham v Newcastle Birmingham host Kevin Keegan's Newcastle in a vital match at the bottom of the Premier League. The BBC is just full of jokers.