Monkeys Fist

It is aye- my lad is a Cocker so I’ve shaved his head and whacked a Union Jack tattoo on his napper. Looks mint.

I’ve got an early finish today, and I was very touched by our polydactyl friends efforts to make the away bar so welcoming for our lads. So, I’ve decided to convert the bathroom in to the Stadium of Shite, just for the weekend. I’ve painted it faded pink, shit all over the seat, and emptied the kitchen bin on the floor. Sent the kids to live with their Granny, put the dog in the pram and stocked up on pocket cheese. Mrs. F. hasn’t seen it yet, but if she’s got owt to say about it, I’ll have had 8 Ace by then so I’ll give her a slap and kidnap her ma. Bring it on marrows!

That’s because they’re thicker than whale spunk.

“ Hi Kyril Yeah, it’s Amanda, look, you know it, I know it, this Beale character is not the man for you, is he? Why don’t you get rid of him this afternoon and we’ll help out with our extensive contacts to get you a replacement more suited to your status by, oooh, let’s say Monday morning? Deal? Ok , great ,see you in your new Keegan suite on Saturday”… Shouts through to Mehmet… ” Get John Carver on the line sweetie, once he’s done the lawn and front path, I’ve got some work for him!”

These are meant to be the next big thing. @Ayatollah Hermione, is it just me, or do we think the singer is a fan of Rosalie Cunningham?

What’s a latch-key billionaire meant to do though? His mam won’t give him any more pocket money to flush down the bog, so he’s had no option but to take handouts from the murderous, camel-shagging paedophiles to desecrate the Holy of Holies with sex mag paraphernalia. And now they’ll have to shell out twice over, once more to change it back before tomorrow*, and then again to downgrade it back to its former state. * I’ll be very interested to know if they’ve actually done this @PaddockLad

Whatever attachments old Robobrain had, it’ll never beat Queen Lizzy’s great grandad’s specially made shagging chair.

Aye January Blues? Take as many doses of Ibruprofewm as they supply, preferably with beer. Sorted.

You’ll feel right at home

You realise that, from the height of your graffiti, we’ll know whether you sat or stood?

This flip flop just adds to the comedy

So, before we’ve even turned up, we’ve taken their end. Good and proper. Thanks for reading my post.

Protest? Sex Mag behaviour.

What’s brown and runny? Usain Bolt.

What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre

Was having a bit of a disagreement with Mrs. F. last night over what a reasonable bed time was for a 13yr old. She suddenly yelled - “ Aaand, you’ve got no sense of direction!!!” No idea where that came from.

Ain’t no good- it’s plain to see.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4ny5l7me32o “ Farmers are whinging like fuck over no longer receiving EU subsidies, after they voted for Brexit. Farmer Giles Giles said - I only wanted to stop brown people, nobody mentioned I’d be shitting in my own bed”.

I’d have said nowt and sent the fucker down

Can a can be empty if it was never full?

This made my eyes bleed.

Speaking of Gandaft, what’s Billy Storey up to these days?