Monkeys Fist

Aye, retrievers are bred to have “soft mouths”- they don’t lock their jaws on whatever they’re holding in them. Not that they couldn’t still give you a decent savaging, but the whole breed is designed to be compliant and subservient. Bulldogs, and specifically these XL abominations, are muscle bound biting machines designed to lock on and stay locked on. They’re bred to be fighting dogs. Yes, a little Staffy will be 99.9% soft as shite and lovely, but if it chose to give you a nip, you’d be hospitalised at least.

I saw a post on Reddit today of the same breed, at a dog show, being shown and getting a medal. Fucking thing goes for the judge twice. And by goes for, I mean goes for in an XL Bulldog way. I fail to see why the fuck anyone would chose to have one of these dogs unless they have a tiny penis and/or are a complete cunt.

‘Appened YP

No(nce)

Plausible? How the fuck would a dog set up a carbon monoxide leak?

Denied him a tasty treat too.

We wouldn’t be in this trouble if it wasn’t for all those goddamn sexy kids, though.

Above mine too - let this stand as an example of…

Dubs…

Is that at Gateshead Stadium or something?

Fist Jnr. returned from his appointment at the ladies hairdressers with his 80s Scouse perm and we exchanged witty repartee regarding his barnet. I clearly won, which I’m taking as an omen. 5-0 to us.

On a Viz roll…

Did you study History of American Psychology at uni, though?

It’s not at all, and she knew he was threatening me with it, which she thought was hilarious If he wants to look like an 80s scouser, I’m not going to stop him. I have told that if he regrets it after the fact, my clippers are oiled and ready

This lad’s no mug.

With the exception of daft bollocks above… …Dogs know the score

He’s only a puke away from the Unholy Trinity there mind.

Is that the gaffer or their latest wonder player that they’ve signed on loan and will definitely fuck off back to from whence he came.

Profanisaurus incoming …

Thanks gents Sorry that I’m pretty much a one subject poster just now, but I suppose it’s a nice change from tiddies and well, more tiddies. We’re just about done with regards to the “heavy lifting” of everything to sort. Got a date and time for her funeral now, will have a venue confirmed tomorrow for the wake, and most of the house is bagged, sorted and ready to go. I met with her brothers and sisters today for a few hours where they told me about their memories of her, her early life, and how much she’d meant to them individually. Really glad I went, it was so nice hearing them speak about her. Also learned a few things I didn’t know, the funniest being that Ma Fist had worked at an illegal greyhound “flapper track“ in her early twenties, as a bookies clerk. She had frighteningly fast mental arithmetic tbh. Fucking no chance of pulling a fast one with pocket money Also Fist Jnr informed me that he is booked in for a perm… (aye, a fucking perm !) on Thursday. I told him that after the funeral, he could do whatever he chose with his floppy barnet, but if he was seriously thinking about getting one before it, to consider what he valued the most- artificially curled tonsorial stylings or functional and still attached genitalia. He’s thinking about it

I’m not sure bending over and pulling a Goatse in Putin’s face can be classed as selling.

I don’t fancy the Stats lads chances- if only there was a way to show that…

I’ve Meenzered it