Monkeys Fist

“Their” son… aye, ok.

That would be a past not-quite-Mrs-PL, I take it? Isn’t the current one only wee?

Hopefully a bit of this in November. Fist Jnr is spacka daft about them, and has tried to convince me that an evening spent nursing a plastic pint of overpriced piss at the O2 , surrounded by sweaty dweebs having aural orgasms will be fun. Me and Mrs. F. both said no, he’ll need time off school, it’s “too much for a gig when you add in hotels and travel” etc etc. So- I’ve registered for tickets which is step one It being Radiohead, they’ve tried to cut out touts and Ticketmaster, so getting a ticket is a 5 step process. 1. Register your details on their website, stating which venue you want to go to 2. Wait until Wednesday and see if I pass the first lottery and get an Unlock Code ( if not, tough luck, if yes, move to step 3) 3. Use the code to login at 10;00am on Friday the 12, where its first come first served… but… you’re only allowed to bid for a maximum of 4 tickets, at one venue only, on one night only. If you manage to buy tickets, that’s you then locked out of the sale. 4. Gan radge pressing re-fucking-fresh for a few hours. 5. Swallow the disappointment, and maybe some beer. If I do manage to get a pair, I’m not telling him until the night before we leave. I’ll also be buzzing because I’d love to see them live.

Its correct title is Smegma Prawns.

Sven claimed that his books were based on his service in the Wehrmacht, only part of which is true. He did join the the Wehrmacht, but since he failed to inform them of his multiple criminal convictions, he spent the entirety of his time in Der Klink. Oh, aye, and he wasn’t German either- Danish, called Borge Willy Redsted Pedersen.

Kitchen axe?

At least you got the joke.

That registration … Unbelievable.

Should’ve waited for the Spring(bok) sales.

Why’s that antelope painted itself some antlers on its lugs?

Let’s be honest, if she was the Tory deputy PM she’d; 1- Have had years of “legal”tax dodging experience to avoid this happening in the first place 2- We’d never have heard about it, even if HMRC did fine her. 3- Know that if she was sacked, she’d likely be reinstated in a few weeks when the new PM took over, briefly.

Not defending or excusing the bloke, but if I remember rightly his car was surrounded by an angry Scouse mob, before he floored it, aye? Again, neither defending or excusing him, but I remember from doing my Bronze lifesaver swimming badge that people often panic when they think they’re drowning.

Impressive that they stole a seat from the SoL for this one.

Re. Angela Rayner. Let’s assume, contrary to all the evidence, that she purposely dodged whatever tax she’s accused of dodging ( which she clearly hasn’t , but that’s not particularly important to the media scrum). 1. She’s done everything possible to put whatever error she made right, at the earliest opportunity available to her 2. If the error she’d made was deliberate, it would show up clearly in the investigations and processes she’s willingly submitted herself to. So far, it’s as she said it was. 3. She’s offered, unequivocally, to pay whatever difference exists between what she paid and and what she should have paid. 4. If, as Housing Minister, she’s made a genuine mistake, surely this is the perfect example of a process that is not fit for purpose- if she got it wrong, then there must be countless others in similar positions to her who’ve fucked it too? 5. Badenoch screaming for her resignation is just beyond comical- her party put Liz fucking Truss in charge of the country,… any cries of “incompetence” from her lot should be be replied to with a slap in the chops with a massive fish and a gentle shove towards the door. 6. She’s made a mistake and is going about rectifying that in the textbook way that she should, but, because she’s not on her knees sucking the right wing media bosses, she’s going to be crucified for it for the rest of her career. It fucking stinks worse than the Isak affair.

Mate, all joking aside, don’t take your mutt on holiday with you. They’re a massive investment of time/pain in the fucking arse, even more so than just a single kid, and you’ll end up resenting the little fucker for “ruining” your holiday, even though it had no choice. Put it in kennels, have your holiday free of shit bags and rabies concerns, come back and watch the little cunt go apeshit when you turn up to collect him. It won’t give a fuck if it’s in Tuscany or Torremelinos, or Tynemouth.

In parts, aye.

By the way, looked it up last week and the gifts for 27th anniversaries are suggested as “jet and sculpture”. I reckon she’s going to be buzzing when she sees this, mind.

Look, let’s get one thing clear. You don’t make holiday destination recommendations. You ask for them, then ignore any you get. Clear? Good… as you were everyone

Ftm.

Veni, non Vidi, fucked off sharpish.

27 years wedding anniversary today. Mostly in cruise control, occasional emergency braking, regular services and oil change are key.

TL:DR Teams will learn how to peel the O’nion.

I was nuts-deep in a Swedish lass in the south of France in Sep 1994.