Monkeys Fist

It’s Fist Jnr’s 13th birthday today, so we had family round this afternoon for drinks and nipples in the glorious sunshine. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all just ruined because two musicians who I couldn’t give a flying fuck about had gigs at the regions two stadiums.… at the same time. As if the cost of living crisis, global warming, and creaky joints wasn’t bad enough, they throw this at me. Ruined, I tell thee.

Benwell Floyd I used to work in the Archer years ago, most bands would turn up about 6pm for an 8pm start. Benwell Floyd were there at 12 midday, setting up a lighting and sound rig like you’ve never seen outside of stadium bands. In a pub. They were fucking amazing

They were originally called “ I Hate Geordies” but had to change it as there were 300 other bands on the sunlin’ club circuit with the same name. True story marra.

Did you win the meat draw?

Rightyho petal.

Which part of his record breaking, game changing career is the fraudulent bit then? ( This should be good…)

That’s DJ Gloom warming up for his late night guest spot at the D&B night at The Lindisfarne Social Club. Tough crowd tbh, he’s squeezed in between the Jackpot bingo game and the meat draw.

I was working tonight and trying to watch on my phone, but it’s really hard to pay attention to the game when cyclists keep bouncing off your windscreen every few minutes, ffs.

Man’s an absolute cunt. Sucker punched some old bloke who didn’t want a free glass of his pish whiskey a few years ago.

I heard she did a Howmanheyman on his chest.

Eh?

Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber. Dead Kaczynski more like, etc.

50 tracksuit stalls 100 outdoor sofa stalls 1 toiletries stall 350 dog pram stalls.

FTMd YP. Does anyone know if they’ve put the pink seats back in for this concert btw?

Out of curiosity, how much do they pay people to rent it?

Aye.

Just having a peruse of various reports - he’s in deep, deep, shit here mind. “The charges include 31 counts of wilful retention of national defence information under the Espionage Act. The indictment notes that these charges carry a maximum term of imprisonment of 10 years. Four other counts, related to conspiracy and withholding or concealing documents, each carry maximum sentences of 20 years.” In relation to those last four counts… ”A key aspect of the case could be an audio recording in which Mr Trump reportedly said he knowingly kept documents and acknowledged he was limited in his ability to declassify them. If this were true, it pretty much sinks him, because that shows that he knows the things he's been saying in public are not true". Do we think he’ll fly to Russia or North Korea to avoid his prison time?

I’d happily save them the cost of building a guillotine and have a go with a spoon. It’d take a while but I’d “get Boris done”.

It’d have to be fucking sharp cos he’s got some neck on him.

Why’s he got a shitter in the middle of the stage? Actually, I’d rather not know.…

As much as think he’s arrogant enough to think he’d succeed, I reckon Doreen Norris quit because her dreamboat did ( or told her he was about to). Don’t forget, she’s a romantic novelist (seriously ), so this is the perfect move for the “heroine” to express her unrequited love for the Lying Skinbag.

Does he get an extra knighthood for his wig?

Second Breakfast is a distraction, tbf.