Monkeys Fist

Can’t really blame our lads for being behind… … it’s way past their bedtime.

Ffs! Manky bastards.

Pandon Burn Ouseburn Lort Burn. All Newcastle streams. Anyone got any more?

For those who’ve never been to the SOS, I’ve marked the toilets with a cross. Bit drafty.

ET Goatse… ok then.

FYP

The cringe is huge in this article https://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/news/article.cfm?c_id=4&objectid=12186563 Longpins 1 does, however, deliver a hoof to the knackers. “But the sex wasn't brilliant. I had a lucky escape.”

I thought he was still at Portland Artisanal Manbun Rovers. Wasn’t he double-dipping there, too?

FYP

“Friends of Aslan”

What a pack of wankers. Its not as if there’s any meat in the normal ones anyway

“ What’s his agent’s address Stewart? My mate Adam just wants to go round and shit on his garden bench”.

Aye, South end of Bassenthwaite is officially only a “kick in the arse” away from Keswick. You’re not far from Newlands Valley, which is a really nice part of the area. Cockermouth, in the other direction, is home to Jennings Brewery, if you need a wet weather alternative.

FYP

“ Sawt it aaaht Charnley”…

Or, you know, El- Dr Alexei Luca Samuel Gabriel Von Sonderburg-Glucksburgerino, if you’re not in to the whole brevity thing.

Has anyone sussed out which cabinet member’s family runs them yet?

A few years ago.

Thats why mums go to Iceland.

How’s the weather in Teeside?

Bought it today. I might get a go on it this time next week by the time the data disk has loaded/I’ve managed to drag Fist Jnr off Fort-fucking-Nite. I shall be studying my horses knackers intently for the first few hours, as you do.

No. He can’t. When this becomes evident to their 20,000 regulars, their stadium nickname will become literal.

Was it a tactical vomit, enabling you to carry on with the imbibing, or was were you talking to God on the big white telephone?

Take yourself to a field. Dig a hole. Get in it. Don’t get out. Fuck off with your Make England Great Again. We are voluntarily becoming a 3rd world country. How you can rejoice in this shitshow is genuinely beyond me.