ewerk 26479 Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 A Jamaican goes into the doctors with his dick stuck in a bottle of fabric softener and says, "I'm in Discomfort." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 A Jamaican goes into the doctors with his dick stuck in a bottle of fabric softener and says, "I'm in Discomfort." Similarly he went to the docs with his dick stuck in a piece of fruit, but that day he was in Despair Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in a microwave til it's bill withers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26980 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in a microwave til it's bill withers. That is older than you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26980 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 (nearly). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9015 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 That's jokes got more wrinkles than Grandmas hands Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tooner 243 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 That's jokes got more wrinkles than Grandmas hands Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Memorable dates in Manchester City's Illustrious History: 1937: Division 1 Title Winners for the first time, under Wilf Wild 1956: FA Cup Winners under Les McDowall 1968: Division 1 Title Winners under Joe Mercer 1969: FA Cup Winners under Joe Mercer 1983: Yaya Toure is born 1984: Yaya Toure's 1st Birthday 1985: Yaya Toure's 2nd Birthday 1986: Yaya Toure's 3rd Birthday 1987: Yaya Toure's 4th Birthday 1988: Yaya Toure's 5th Birthday 1989: Yaya Toure's 6th Birthday 1990: Yaya Toure's 7th Birthday 1991: Yaya Toure's 8th Birthday 1992: Yaya Toure's 9th Birthday 1993: Yaya Toure's 10th Birthday 1994: Yaya Toure's 11th Birthday 1995: Yaya Toure's 12th Birthday 1996: Yaya Toure's 13th Birthday 1997: Yaya Toure's 14th Birthday 1998: Yaya Toure's 15th Birthday 1999: Yaya Toure's 16th Birthday 2000: Yaya Toure's 17th Birthday 2001: Yaya Toure's 18th Birthday 2002: Yaya Toure's 19th Birthday 2003: Yaya Toure's 20th Birthday 2004: Yaya Toure's 21st Birthday 2005: Yaya Toure's 22nd Birthday 2006: Yaya Toure's 23rd Birthday 2007: Yaya Toure's 24th Birthday 2008: Yaya Toure's 25th Birthday 2009: Yaya Toure's 26th Birthday 2010: Yaya Toure's 27th Birthday 2011: Yaya Toure's 28th Birthday; FA Cup Winners under Roberto Mancini 2012: Yaya Toure's 29th Birthday; Premier League Champions under Roberto Mancini 2013: Yaya Toure's 30th Birthday 2014: Yaya Toure's 31st Birthday; Premier League Champions under Manuel Pellegrini Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38836 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Soo, I was in a nightclub in Liverpool and this lass came up to me. She said, "Do you like avocado?" I said, "No, sorry love, I don't drive." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19840 Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Soo, I was in a nightclub in Liverpool and this lass came up to me. She said, "Do you like avocado?" I said, "No, sorry love, I don't drive." That is simply brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohhh_yeah 2786 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 ITV Reporter: "How far are England away from a good team?" Roy Hodgson: " About 4 hotels." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26980 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 BBC Reporter: "So Roy, what do you realistically think could happen in Brazil with England?" Roy: "We'wl, wiwth a fair wind I hope we can make the Quarter Finals." BBC Reporter: "What about you, Jurgen? How do you rate the United States chances?" Klinsmann: "I really think we can go all the way and win it, then successfully defend it in four years time in Russia with the US President giving the Commies the finger as our Skipper lifts the trophy once again." BBC Reporter: "Do you not think you're getting a bit carried away, Jurgen?" Klinsmann: "Well Roy started it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monroe Transfer 0 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 14068 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2013/11/18/guy-walks-into-a-bar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26479 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Fair play to anyone who gets to the end of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38836 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Said the pianist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Just won the funniest joke at the Edinburgh fringe..... "I decided to sell my hoover.......well it was just collecting dust". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34631 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Fair play, I didn't even know you were performing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 31 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Said the pianist. Well I enjoyed it! Said the... oh nevermind.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9015 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Just won the funniest joke at the Edinburgh fringe..... "I decided to sell my hoover.......well it was just collecting dust". I know it shouldn't bother me, but that is absolutely not the funniest joke at the Fringe this year and I've not even been. It might be the funniest one-liner that can be re-told without context, but it cannot eb the funniest joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38836 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I know it shouldn't bother me, but that is absolutely not the funniest joke at the Fringe this year and I've not even been. It might be the funniest one-liner that can be re-told without context, but it cannot eb the funniest joke. It's annoyed Fish so much he's typing sdrawkcab. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9015 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 up fuck the shut Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38836 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Pump my love lick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12767 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Fair play, I didn't even know you were performing. This is probably funnier than owt at the Fringe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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