Billy Castell

Her then husband was also involved, so it wasn't all her, in her defence. My uncle used to do something similar to my cousin. My Auntie Fiona told me of one time when she was in a shop with him at the till when he was 2, and he turned to the woman at the till and said "Oi missus get your knickers off."

My ex taught her daughter to say "Cha'mone motherfucker" when she was a baby. Good news about Bo'Selecta. I reckon the doctor was negligent and weak, and didn't want to say no to Jacko.

Bush should know about the Terror threat, as he and that cunt Blair has created a whole load more of it by invading Iraq. Now half of Leicester and Luton probably walk around with a bag of chips on heir shoulder, some of whom have dreams of sticking bombs on themselves and going to Hell. Bush has basically left a steaming fat turd in the Oval Office In tray and told Obama "I'd do something about that. Use your shoe as a scoop."

I don't think I'll ever get tired of that

I know my sister always volunteers to work on Christmas day. It is about £200 in your back pocket.

Mark Kermode's review of Inglorious Bastards. Complete with impressions of Tarrantino

I love the way these Lancashire/Yorkshire people talk . Always reminds me of Eric Openshaw. Chuffin Nora. Thing is, I was born in Barnet and grew up in Germany, Hong Kong and Bedford! Strange how things turn out. And I don't look like Fred Dibnah either!

Good price for a player long past his best. Great bit of business for you guys. Hodgson must have thought he was at Blackburn again with paying over the odds for average players. He was at his best at Blackburn and the first couple of seasons at Chelsea.

Well he can't be worse than Bobby Ashley.

What the flying cocking fuck is going on with Ameobi? He's scoring goals. Lots of them. And he's won the 800 metres in Berlin. Roy Keane will be trying to sign him for £13m at this rate. Shame you have Simpson on loan though, he was so pants for us, even Keith Andrews was ahead of him in the right back slot. He'll probably get very average all of a sudden.

I'm sure someone at Channel 5 loves Steven Segal in the same way Ged loves Alan Partridge. I like his films, as they are 'so bad they're good'. The later ones where he is fat as hell and lumbers around like a darlek in a girlie bitchfight are the best. My dad's Godson is in a Jean Claude Van Damme film. He's the ginger baby at the beginning of Double Impact.

I had that fucking Poker face in my head all morning, except my brain decided to change all the words, and call it Robot Face. I wish I had a pen and paper, because I could have done the whole song but I've forgotten it all now. Even the line about Lady Gaga having a Shenis. Arse.

As a neutral, I can assure you, Newcastle will be seen as a big joke from everyone else if Keegan returned. All the usual 'Geordie fans and their Messiahs' talk will start up again. Shearer should be given a chance to develop and become a real manager.

£9m is brilliant business. Well done for that, as Martins is an over rated tool.

OK replace the word "slow", with "tedious, irritatingly arty, pretentious shit". Eyes Wide Shut is one of the worst films ever made, and AI was a good idea ruined. A History of Violence was, but nowhere near as good as the critics have made it out to be.

Also an ancient Greek smackhead who was one of Alexander the Great's generals

I hope the new goalie kits you have are not green. Otherwise the Iranian owner will set all the stewards on Krul and anyone else with the kit on and kick the shit out of them.

No surprise they're from Luton. Being from Bedford, I know what a fucking shithole that place is. I suppose shooting kids out your twat is the only thing you can do there other than shoot up. Looking at the parents, there are a load of ugly kids seeking new homes in Bedfordshire. I reckon the new kids' name will be Stella if a girl or Tyler-Wayne if a boy. And if it is a hermaphradite, Methadonius. I wonder how may of this family will be on Jeremy Kyle in the next 16 years?

How about that Swiss donkey from a few years ago-Rosset? I can see German Stig doing a stint, or some other Ferrari test driver.

Only seen bits of it, but it seemed good. You just reminded me of the film I can't stand, but people suck themselves off over-Apocolypse Now. The most po-faced, overblown, self important load of wank I have ever seen. How such a pile of self-indulgent sloppy pig shit can be considered one of the best ever films I don't know. It is the film equivilent of when a musician gets too big and takes too many drugs and makes an album of them having a massive shit whilst whinging about his mum.

Sounds like that Robin Reid vs. Sven Ottke fight a few years ago. Reid could have literally punched Sven's head off and he'd have lost points for a low blow.

Women who paint themselves in fake tan and walk around like a bunch of slutty oranges. Fans of the 'big clubs' who spend all their time sending in texts/letters to anyone who'll listen slagging off other teams. All the 'my dad can batter your dad' act is annoying. Professional cockneys/scousers/northerners etc. who bang on about where they are from, how outsiders are wankers and how their hometown is somehow superior to the rest of the country. Especially if they don't live in that area (e.g. Jimmy Tarbuck, Anne Robinson and Sean Connery). Fat middle aged women who dress like they're 20 year old supermodel.

Hayemaker to take on the beast from the east Interesting fight in store here. Danny Haye is quite explosive and quick whilst Valuev is just so fucking huge. In my opinion, I think Danny can tonk him on points if he gets up close as Valuev seems like some big ugly slow fighter who couldn't handle a fierce barrage from a fighter with speed and power.

+1 I'm not a big fan of Stanley Kubrick on the whole. Most of his films look good (e.g. 2001), but are slow and a bit wank. I like Dr. Strangelove though.