Howmanheyman

I know Neville was pretending! Neville bumps into Cheryl and Jill, you bump into Souness. Where did it all go wrong, Rob?

No, although funnily enough I was out last night. There's strict hygiene rules at my place and I'm leaking bodily fluid out of one my orifices. As Rolf used to say, 'have you guessed what it is yet?'

Enjoying an unexpected day on the Pat and Mick. Feet up pissing around with spotify.

Hit - The Sugarcubes

A chippy called Neville, you say? Their lass wasn't called Brenda by any chance?

It's a pity you couldn't have had those fish things in your ears a la 'hitchhikers guide to the galaxy'. Mr Patel: "sham dam diddley tak tak .......(Gemmill puts fish in ear)......Howay Indira, this honkeys taken the piss with his asking price, lad's got some neck on him, what with his cock of Chinese proportions and his obsession with us looking at his roomba as part of the house. I'll get wor Jamill to come round and offer fifteen grand under, then I'll phone the daft cunt up and offer him eight grand under. Up there for thinking, doon there for dancing, pet......(Gemmill takes fish out of ear in horror)......sham dam gura woola."

Dear Prudence - Siouxsie and the Banshees

Renton-lite to be honest.

I knew pretty much straight away they wouldn't be making an offer, they couldn't get out quick enough, said it was above their top line. They're coming from a two bed flat and mine's a five bedroom with new bathrooms and new kitchen. You've got to look I suppose, just in case you can find the extra money but the feedback was it way out of their bracket, the estate agent even apologised. @@Gemmill, how hard is it to arrange a viewing?

Apparently the couple who viewed our house yesterday loved it but can't afford it. Why fucking view it and have us busily tidying up on my day off with a bad back?

Aye, what a hero.

Just got a letter from my bank giving me £244 for a PPI claim I put in a couple of years ago, its a recalculation, think I originally got £130. Better than a poke in the eye, I suppose. Well done, Renton. Was your paper on hijabs or Corbyn?

No, that could upset some of the drivers darker skinned customers. A panama would do.

'It's absolutely shite' still winning the poll. Carry on.

They're all yes men, that's why they're in the jobs they have, man.

A bit disappointed that uber driver didn't offer to wear some kind of hat if you found his appearance unsettling, tbh.

Motivation for our superstars? As if. A night out with Rihanna/Tulisa* if they win. A night out with the Fish if they lose. *just guessing a footballers shag wish, tbh.

It's like a spider has fell in some ink and walked across your notepad.

We know that, man. We're just indulging the fish's hypothetical question.

Seedorf would probably get a better response from the players, but you can't sprinkle sugar on shite. The club's recruitment policy is far too rigid and key weaknesses are never addressed. When this goes on for years there's only one outcome.

CT's your answer here, mind. His house will be chocka with shite he's taken up and got bored with plus he'll have loads of ideas for new hobbies.

No they were not indeed, and one wouldn't assume to see them 'uncovered'. My apologies. They were second thing I noticed in Tilley's after your dazzling eyes.

So he fucking should.

I've worked with a few north shields lads, they used it. (Not saying seaton sluice don't, what does our Blyth ex-resident, the fish reckon?)

Me too, and I've thought boxing's been shite for years.