Ayatollah Hermione

113 duels won ffs. Let's be generous and say that's 70%. Is the ball ever on the ground at Turf Moor?

CT, did you have a sceptre in hand when saying "I do"? With a little gold futon on the top

Some absolutely lifting patter in here that shouldn't even be responded to. Total embarrassment, as Stevie would say

Poo Fighters, they should be called.

Ronnie Spectre, more like

Apparently we’re going to triple that Carlos’ salary and now he’s getting tetchy. Yes, that’s the stuff, chuck that fucking money about, Mandy.

A truly awful game of football, I suspect. I have a sneaky feeling that Saint-Maximin might have one of his better afternoons

Someone mental like Hendrick. Might get a performance out of him

Think we’d have got a striker but it wouldn’t be to this level. They’ve went and got a Premier League striker which shows someone, somewhere, has their head screwed on. Under Ashley, we’d have been ringing around to see who was available on loan and ended up with Villa reject

You all do realise that just because he hasn’t had his photo up on the site yet, doesn’t mean it’s not completed, don’t you? They don’t unveil him and THEN get all the important stuff done

Hope he gets stuck into the pink ladies when he’s over there. Hope he eats some apples as well

doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun?

There’s something unsettling about that Dharmesh. And not in a racist way. Definitely looks like he’d blurt out Leeds’ record transfer during sex.

He’s back!

Pitch was at fault last night apparently. Could they not turn the undersoil heating on like?

Aye, why did they think it would be too much for THE RICHEST CLUB IN THE WORLD? Nailed on that they’ll go and get Oli McBurnie or some other beanpole to replace him though

Aye, this is something that i think is being forgotten with the likes of Wood and Cantwell being linked. If we do stay up, these are players who are absolutely so much better to have in the squad than your Hendricks and Gayles who are just filling up space. It’ll mean we have options off the bench for the first time in fuck knows how long

Aye, you have to think that’s two relegation spots sewn up now, unless they pull a rabbit from the hat as a replacement. I think Wood will do alright tbh. Big fucker to throw his weight about and get on Trippier’s crosses. Not glamorous but certainly sensible

Having a medical tonight. Chris Wood? More like Chris Has! Signed that is

Just been quoted £1m for this French kid on FM22. We’re being led down the garden path here

The cast of characters? Finally, Malla gets his time to shine!

That kid hasn’t got a fucking clue, man

VAR looking for any possible reason to disallow the Villa goal was a fucking joke. 5 minutes spent on something that wouldn’t have even been considered if it was the other way around

Running football transfers from the art of the deal playbook ffs.

I have belief that we'll end up with signings, purely because the top bollocks has give them a kick up the arse but I can't imagine that they'll all be the first choices, outside of Trippier. They're going to have to get creative but I bet we end up with the 5/6 they're wanting to add in terms of numbers.