Ayatollah Hermione

Put Jenas in for his crimes against punditry and commentary

Good garden but the grass looks like you’ve let the SJP groundsman at it

Bruno Pernadas is back in time for summer with more outrageously good pop music. Quite excellent melodies

Owen is definitely a cunt, like. Just a deeply unlikable little cock jockey

I like the bit in golf when they take their little cap off after tapping a ball into a hole from 4 feet away to mild applause.

Got to say like, it’s an impressive hall of cunts when convicted nonce, Adam Johnson, can’t get on the ballot.

I will dish out a full-strength, Mortal Kombat style uppercut through the ceiling if you dare insinuate that I still live at home again

It’s canny, aye. Impossible not to read it in the cadence and voice of his PU voiceovers though. He absolutely loved a drink, like

I can see Gemmill in a Fiat 500 these days.

Broad Chare always had an excellent scotch egg, how does it compare?

#PrivateEquity Time to log onto Twitter dot com and check on the Private Equity hashtag. Get caught up on that hot Private Equity news

Klopp has lost the plot, like. Looks like a bloke who needs a year or two off and doesn’t seem like he’s up for the job of building a new team once Salah and Mane have fucked off. Speccy cunt

I Will Destroy You is excellent as well

This Country is one of the best UK comedies of the decade

Woah, let’s keep the dirty stuff to a minimum, please

Would love a 25 point deduction going into next season. 5 of them would be fine but there would be a very real possibility of Arsenal getting relegated which would be great

Sky could really prove they’re so filled with integrity by not charging a kings ransom for matches that you see for a fraction of the price if you have any kind of half-decent internet connection too

What’s even more impressive is that these cunts, to a man, will be absolutely shocked by this reaction. They can pull out all they want, the bad PR is done. Desperately hoping the PL have the bollocks to impose some proper punishments. A 20 point deduction would see SUPER CLUB Arsenal relegated, that would be a good start

Would love to see Charnley putting out a statement like Everton’s. Granted, he’s on such a delay, he’d probably put one out about the death of Maradona.

Parish has come on MNF to look like a man of the people and now Carragher and Neville have talked him into so many knots that he’s basically defending it now

The Americans have been after this for ages since they come from the worlds shittest sport, American Football where it’s all corporate franchises and an illusion of actual competition

Would love to think that these clubs would see huge ramifications for this stunt but Masters and the PL are as weak-willed as it gets.

I’ve got 104 friends

They sorted me a Pfizer jab at another clinic since I’m essentially a national treasure

Absolutely cannot wait for Gemmill getting absolutely chinned. The dog will be having a sly nibble of what it thinks is your corpse.