Ayatollah Hermione

Finnish (?) jangly indie pop. Not a fucking word what she's saying like but it's all very pleasant

Aye, there'll hopefully be some desire from us to get one back at McClaren for steering us into this shit in the first place too

Stonewalling Rafa Benitez like he's some arsehole chancer of Pardew proportions ffs. You couldn't make it up

Graham Carr seems to wield far too much power for a bloke who has a 30% success rate with signings since he stumbled on Cabaye. It's telling that some of the players we were after on deadline day were certainly Carr specials i.e. Cheap players from leagues vastly different to ours

I like how Ashley is apparently gutted we're not top after the outlay in the summer. A summer where we made 30 million Is that how he expects us to go on in the Premier League? Make a profit every year but climb the league. Right you are

I mean, you've got to laugh at this bloke's total commitment to self-destruction. Where do you even start? I'm assuming some out of work toucher has got In his ear about taking the job on for cheap

Last time, we signed a player that drastically improved our attacking options. I still reckon we're winning the league like but stats are a waste of everyone's time with no applied context

There was nowt in the Shelvey incident like, Sky looking for handbags and trying to build a narrative. As evidenced by them completely glossing over Sammy getting curb stomped in the back

I've heard a lot of people surmise that Ayoze Perez is our most naturally gifted footballer and, after the past few months, I honestly find that notion absurd. A large part of "naturally talented footballer" to me includes an instinctive, intelligent football brain. The ability to just know what to do, when to do it and having the natural ability to pull it off. Twice tonight, in positions where we needed to make some distance between us and QPR, Perez showed he's severely lacking in any kind of football intelligence. If you want him to back heel a ball in from 15 yards out, he'll do that as he's all instinct. If he's such a fantastic footballer, why does he struggle to pick the right option when given 4-5 seconds to think about it? It's not just this match; there's been times all season where he's clearly had no clue what to do and picked the wrong idea in panic. And, as poor as the defence was tonight, as poor as the communication between the players was and as much as we rode our luck in the first half; those dropped points hinged on Ayoze Perez' inability to look up and spot Matt Ritchie in a position to put it in an open net. He's not the player everyone seems to think he is, he's stagnated and he's certainly not a number 10. As for the rest, most of them were shite as well but that was the icing on Perez' cake this season. I've said since the autumn that we're a side who desperately needed an injection of pace, needed a new face to lift the players and keep other teams guessing. It hasn't come, Rafa is pissed off and I have a very bad feeling about this, indeed.

Would be very harsh on Rob Eliott, that

Must remember that we have two games in hand on Reading. Two wins sees that distance grow massively again

How bad must his reputation in football be if he's got to try his hand at semi-pro management and can't find himself on the books as a keeper coach at a professional outfit. Even John Carver landed on his feet in Cyprus

Parky's brand of outright heed-the-baalism is a welcome refrain from fascism slowly encompassing the world tbh

Something filthy from the sound of it

I'd take a body in on loan in central midfield, providing they weren't an absolute flid. Someone with any range of passing longer than 10 yards to be a poor man's Shelvey

Who was it in the end? The stereotype in the man cave with the massively contrived pop culture reference?

Don't worry, lads. When the robot workforce is finally assembled, then we'll all be fucked anyway

Not surprised Ross County is the top scorer; he's got to score them all by himself

If he's in power this time next year, I'll be amazed

I reckon we've been quoted 16 mil for McCarthy, rather than offered it

Let it go, Lynn. You're never going to meet him

Cacksaw Ridge, more like

Aye, I know promotion is the priority (and rightfully so) but that team could well get it's pants pulled down today. Very risky

Mitrovic is fit so wouldn't be surprised to see him. Gamez is also fit so wouldn't be surprised to see him go off knackered after 25 minutes

That Kirchoff looks like a canny player but his injury record is pretty shocking so I imagine that will put teams off. Cattermole is the kind of player who would stay and probably stand out in the Championship. The spine of their team has an average age of about 35 though so I imagine most will retire, leaving them with some very poor players indeed. Sometimes that can be the making of players though; look at what a season in the Championship did for the likes of Enrique, Carroll and Coloccini. I mean, they've got nobody that good in their side but some of the players that have come into a madhouse might settle down next season and start playing. Though, I hope not