Ayatollah Hermione

I thought Best was a grafter and would always try and get into games but just wasn't good enough. Williamson is a limited centre half in good form alongside two brilliant players in Coloccini and Debuchy but we need a better defender than him if we're serious about pushing on into the top 4.

Been caning the exercise bike now that the weather has went south. Usually just put a few episodes of something on and before you know it, you've been at it an hour.

Could do with a good illness to shit some weight off me, like. That's not a typo either.

"And in go the nuts and I am letting them cum their salty ointment" makes me laugh every single time

Once we shit out Arsenal on a dessert tray, we'll blow it all wide open.

almost as cheesy as his acting.

Love Actually

"Piss up a rope, fuckstick!"

I usually wake up early with a hangover from Christmas Eve, have a bacon and egg sarnie and a cup of tea to blow the cobwebs off and then crack on with opening what presents are there. Then, it's usually just a case of reading the Viz annual until my bait with my mother, cracking open the lager/spirits then spend all day ignoring the world since we never bother with getting family around or any of that. I bet there's nowt decent on the telly on Christmas Day either.

Fnarr. She could toss more salad

Vincent Tan's trousers will finish higher than Cardiff this season.

Surprised that's made the transition from BBC1 to the theater like.

I'm living on the edge of poverty BECAUSE I'M EXTREME, BABY! If I starve, someone hide my porn.

Hope he had things planned for every major anniversary of his death. 50th anniversary should see them wheel out an identical looking robot only for Jerry Lawler to run out and give him a piledriver through the floor.

Would rather have Tom Ince tbs tbs. Smuggle him back with Dan Gosling.

Just getting some weight off me really. That's the same every year and I get to a good level by about March/April then spend every month past June going mental on the drink.

CT, you've got to stop zooming in. Your food ends up looking like medical mysteries. I'm half expecting Charlton Heston to be in the background of your next one, investigating your kitchen.

What's everyone's favourite Christmas song then? I've just made this one up to sing during Jingle Bell Rock's bridge "Ohh, kristallnacht time is the right time to run the jews away!"

The right religion was Mormonism

That's GHANA hurt!

If you wouldn't immediately fall victim to a spontaneous spunk explosion seeing Coloccini lifting the FA Cup this season, you must be mental. That all day for me like. Monkey off our back, gigantic day on the piss in London, city up here jumping for a week afterwards, banish Ronnie Bastard Redford in the bin, Sir Shola Ameobi of Fenham (soon renamed Ameobiville) and Pardew suddenly going mad in his post-match interview, calling Joe Kinnear a cowardly lion-haired cumsplash, dropping the mic and throwing cans of lager into our Wembley allocation like Stone Cold Steve Austin. Champions League qualification couldn't possibly compare.

GIFT TIP: A didgeridoo with a set of wheels attached to the bottom of it makes a perfect vehicle for the snake on the move!

Just think of CT's poor wife who he shows them to, excitedly running into the living room with his apron on, wielding a salt shaker telling her to knock The Chase off and come and have a look. "Yes, Alan*, it looks lovely. I'm just having an omelette tonight" she says and leaves him to it. *I don't know what your name is, CT but Alan seems pretty accurate

I say to man running Evil Kagawa account, "Stop with awful racist jokes that encourage an online culture of ireedeemable, damaging dreck!" 0 RETWEETS, 0 FAVOURITES

Could get past Man United in the semis like. I think Moyes will be going all out to win a cup in his first year though, especially with a possible iffy league placement.