Ayatollah Hermione

2 games played. There shouldn't even be a table to show until 10 games in.

Does WhoScored.com have a stat for "stupid fucking shots from 30 yards for no reason" and how many does Ben Arfa have?

Great page, congrats, Chez.

I thought our 4-4-2 without actual wingers was a ludicrous choice but Sammy got at that full back and he shit himself and it almost led to the winner so what do I know? Ben Arfa looked fitter but was incredibly frustrating.

I wouldn't want Hoddle but he's well regarded in the game itself. How much of it is rose-tinted is up for debate but there's plenty who will defend him as a coach.

We're turbo shit at developing youth players anyway.

Thought we were the better team in the second half but really struggled to break them down. I think their defence played well and we'll play poorer sides at home this year but if we fall prey to injuries, we'll really struggle. I think Sammy did well when he came on and it was the first time Pardew's made a proactive, attacking substitution for a long while and it almost paid off. He had the beating of their RB time and again and it's exactly what we needed. I hope that's a sign of things to come at home; we've got a point today, let's build off it and get a good home run going.

"Yes, Mrs Smith, we have a special joystick in the back for you" I'm assuming this kind of backroom, multiplayer action happens all the time?

Bit of a boy arse in that picture though.

I'd have full on sex with her, if you catch my drift.

I Am Kloot - Let It All In Silly band name, lovely chord changes and nice sparse arrangements.

The outrage over this has been absolutely class btw. Proper nerd rage is hard to top. It should have been Bruce Willis anyway.

I think we'll honestly get a good idea of how we'll be for the rest of the year tomorrow. West Ham will be organised, committed and effective and if we struggle to make chances and deal with their set-pieces, I honestly think we might struggle to win games. If we get a run of results going at home, we might very well get a bit of confidence back, from manager to players.

One that's not on there, that I love and we'll sadly never see again, is the ball getting stuck in the stanchion. Used to be the best part of watching matches on ESPN Classic.

"He looks like a lesbian has tripped through the sales rail at Marks and Spencers" as he was once described as my mate. Never heard a better description for him.

Too right as well. It's lovely to see someone enjoy her art so much.

reminds me of being about 3 year old and getting a Master System for Christmas. I wonder how my dad convinced my mam that it was actually for me and not him.

ah whey, that might work out a bit better since I'm not blown away by the launch titles announced (though, I expect the digital line-up to be pretty good on day one) so I can take a bit of time and see how it all pans out and see what the other 15 or so titles are. I like being an early adopter though. FIFA has been turbo shit for ages, it's a proper battle to get your players to do what they should be doing in the first place. The amount you have to fiddle with the sliders is criminal and the first generation of EA sports games on new consoles are always canny bad anyway. I'll do what I do every year, play it at a mate's house for ages, complain when my player passes to the wrong person for the 500th time and that'll be me until the next year.

Think I might take the plunge for this on day 1 if the bundles knocking about are good. I think I'll pick up Drive Club if the online features are as enjoyable as they sound. I'd prefer to play Forza 5 but I'm waiting until the Xbox One drops in price before I take any plunge with that thing.

£93 million, man. What is this sport even becoming?

I hope this doesn't cheapen the story of a billionaire in a bat costume fighting evil clowns.

I thought I'd seen Planes but it turned out to just be a bird.

"smiles on their faces" fucking hell, man. What a gobshite.

You'll be in your element now. They'll have to use Ashley's helicopter to airlift you out at full time.

I'm going for a haircut today, that should make my face look a bit thinner.