Monkeys Fist

Zlatan’s piled the beef on since he moved to Pennywell, mind.

I’ve had a double shit sandwich on the way down to jolly old London. Stopped at Cambridge services for my break, checked my “social media” and some fucker has locked my access on “safe search” ! Is today some deadline for the most cuntish of Tory policies meaning we’re not allowed to watch ladies in the nip? Cunts. That was followed by a minor pissaster on the M11- usually have the bladder emptying under control for when I’m parked, but, after the shock of no filthy slappers, my body clearly went in to fight or flight… …or piss. No way I was pulling on to the hard shoulder, as it’d take forever to get back on, so out came the bottle. Trouble is, my tackle only fits in the bottle when in a state of rest, the urgency of the piss situation had brought on a piss-boner, so I’ve had to just place the tip of the ole meatus in the neck of the bottle and try to let loose gently. All this , one-handed, the left hand, whilst bombing down the M11 in rush hour. I’m just about drained, and about to give myself a “well done son!”, when I hit a fucking pothole the size of Burradon. Bottle slips, whanger springs up, momentary jet of piss up my t-shirt before my brain gets the “FUCKING NIP IT!” message through to the nipsy muscles… … FOR FUCKS SAKE! Changed my t-shirt and all ship-shape now, but fucking hell man Someone is going to pay for this, and I hope she’s brunette, busty, Eastern European, and not missed for a while…

Have you hacked my selfies? Cheeky bitch!

“ How’s the ba… nnnnnnnnnnnnggggggghhhhaaaah!… bacon, did y’say?”

A fine example of poor situational awareness. If the big lad on the left’s knees decide to call it a day, he’ll take out the entire clan as he rolls downhill. Like a fleshy, sweaty, opening to Raiders of the Lost Ark, with the added tang of unwiped arse.

How aren’t you single?

Van Halen ( until 1984 the album) were my top band as a nipper. I mean, you’re not telling me this isn’t mint

Try loading the page again. Took 2-3 goes for mine to kick in. If not, it’s a paragraph on Tonali being mint, then 10 paragraphs of his Mam’s carbonara recipe.

If you’re on iPhone it auto translates after about 30 seconds or so.

You’d think a bloke who has stolen a living in the public eye for so long would be slightly inured to criticism, especially such mild criticism. But , no… fucking man-child.

And he’s despised by every single set of the above’s fans…

What a legacy

It’s his own fault-He’ll have forgotten to put the barby out after second breakfast…

I know he was in the Wilbury’s , which was another puzzler to me. Every other member was at some level a musical legend, but Tommy? I guess it’s just personal taste, all the Septics I worked with in France thought he was some kind of genius, which led to some fun boozy “discussion” What’s the story here?

Whoooah That must be terrifying Get you and the other Hobbittses down in to the back burrows.

Has Winlaton moved north recently like?

How’s his lisp coming along CT?

That’s a bit environmentally unfriendly, I’m surprised at the tree-huggers.

How long have you been a cabby?

The fucking size of his arms- can you imagine even a mild slap off him, never mind a fully weighted punch?

Totally the wrong thread, but can anyone explain to me why Tom Petty is so highly rated? He’s like a shit, middle-of-the-road AC/DC, writes the same song over and over again. The song named in the pic above is the only song of his that I can think of.

Wasn’t it some landmark game for the fat cunt? 500 games without breaking a sweat or working more than 2 days a week, or whatever. He should’ve been clearing his desk at KO, the absolute fraud that he is.

Re. Jones being the only one kept on from Bruce’s con era, I’d like to imagine that Eddie listened to the players telling him how good he was, but it’s Eddie we’re talking about. He’ll have had a three volume dossier on Jones, memorised.

You wait 70 years for a bus and then none fucken turn up!