Jump to content

Wiping your arse


Holden McGroin
 Share

Recommended Posts

I still can't comprehend it like.

 

Sitters, where's your weight when you wipe? Is it all on the rim? That would be sitting. If you shift all your weight to your feet to get access though, then even in a seated position, you're still standing.

 

Bollocks, you're changing the rules to suit now :scratchchin:

 

Standing is with straight back... :rolleyes:

 

:D

 

Fuck off.

 

Standing is holding all your weight on your feet.

 

You're talking about standing straight.

 

I still don't 'stand' even by your theory....

 

:nufc:

 

Never mind coming in here 'wisecracking' when you've got winnets like fucking ferrero rocher swinging from your starfish.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I still can't comprehend it like.

 

Sitters, where's your weight when you wipe? Is it all on the rim? That would be sitting. If you shift all your weight to your feet to get access though, then even in a seated position, you're still standing.

 

Bollocks, you're changing the rules to suit now :scratchchin:

 

Standing is with straight back... :rolleyes:

 

:D

 

Fuck off.

 

Standing is holding all your weight on your feet.

 

You're talking about standing straight.

 

I still don't 'stand' even by your theory....

 

:nufc:

 

Never mind coming in here 'wisecracking' when you've got winnets like fucking ferrero rocher swinging from your starfish.

 

 

Surely he thinks he's spoiling us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've collated the results ( blush2.gif )

 

Sitters

Brock

Craig

Dr Gloom

Ewerk

Gejon

Gemmill

Glasgow Mag

J69

JawD

Lazarus

Meenzer

Nufc4ever

Paddy

R|co

Smooth

T-Keith

Thompers

TooJ

Toontoasey

Walliver

 

 

Standers

Alex

Anth

Happy Face

Holden

Jimbo

Khay

Luckyluke

Manc

Parky

Sammy

Shinton

 

Squatter

Spongebob Toonpants

 

So I'm the only one on the forum who knows how to wipe his arse properly - unreal

 

AS for Girls Aloud, saw them last week at the Brighton Centre- top entertainment

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyone putting their hands down the bog to wipe might aswell just dunk them all the way down to the poo soup at the bottom tbh. Imagine the airborne shit particles floating about. Animals.

 

 

Imagine the shit particles the standers allow to escape into the general atmosphere in the very act of standing.

 

To be honest the very notion of standing has never occured to me in all my 49.999 years of existence, until I read this thread, fucking wierd IMO

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyone putting their hands down the bog to wipe might aswell just dunk them all the way down to the poo soup at the bottom tbh. Imagine the airborne shit particles floating about. Animals.

 

 

Imagine the shit particles the standers allow to escape into the general atmosphere in the very act of standing.

 

To be honest the very notion of standing has never occured to me in all my 49.999 years of existence, until I read this thread, fucking wierd IMO

 

When all those years ago a manape first stood and surveyed his surroundings, the die was cast.

 

Standers are the future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyone putting their hands down the bog to wipe might aswell just dunk them all the way down to the poo soup at the bottom tbh. Imagine the airborne shit particles floating about. Animals.

 

 

Imagine the shit particles the standers allow to escape into the general atmosphere in the very act of standing.

 

To be honest the very notion of standing has never occured to me in all my 49.999 years of existence, until I read this thread, fucking wierd IMO

 

When all those years ago a manape first stood and surveyed his surroundings, the die was cast.

 

Standers are the future.

 

Before taking his shit and throwing it at his intended mate. Man has evolved, we have become civilised. Sitting down to wipe is part of the process.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyone putting their hands down the bog to wipe might aswell just dunk them all the way down to the poo soup at the bottom tbh. Imagine the airborne shit particles floating about. Animals.

 

 

Imagine the shit particles the standers allow to escape into the general atmosphere in the very act of standing.

 

To be honest the very notion of standing has never occured to me in all my 49.999 years of existence, until I read this thread, fucking wierd IMO

 

When all those years ago a manape first stood and surveyed his surroundings, the die was cast.

 

Standers are the future.

 

Before taking his shit and throwing it at his intended mate. Man has evolved, we have become civilised. Sitting down to wipe is part of the process.

 

 

Sitting down to wipe is a deep suppressed fear of arse rape. FACT.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So...does standing up indicate that you may be comfortable with arse rape?

 

 

Historically showing your arse is a sign of victory and defiance. Sitters might as well get back in the trees.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So...does standing up indicate that you may be comfortable with arse rape?

 

 

Historically showing your arse is a sign of victory and defiance. Sitters might as well get back in the trees.

 

Victory and defiance to what? The turd you've just wrestled out of your sphincter??

 

Christ :up:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So...does standing up indicate that you may be comfortable with arse rape?

 

 

Historically showing your arse is a sign of victory and defiance. Sitters might as well get back in the trees.

 

Victory and defiance to what? The turd you've just wrestled out of your sphincter??

 

Christ :up:

 

My arguments are perhaps a little too high brow. Being a stander I'm not used to being trapped in the toilet bowl of history.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For those that sit, do you inspect your paper when you've wiped ? or do you just wipe once and hope for the best ?

 

3 ways of doing this.

 

(1) Wipe front-to-back then move the paper down in front of the scrotum to look at the skidmark on the paper.

 

(2) Use your experience to judge the flow of the paper as you wipe front-to-back. Initially it should be slippery as you remove the bulk of the turd-remnants, but as the friction increases you can tell that your ringpiece is clean. Using this method you don't have to look at the paper.

 

(3) Wipe front-to-back, then drop the paper in the bowl, making sure it lands smeared-side up, then you look down between your legs to judge the mark left on the paper.

 

Any method is acceptable, usually I only use (2) when I'm in a hurry.

 

On another matter, does anyone have any amusing anecdotes of running out of bogroll? What do you do, do you pull up your pants and trousers and carry on knowing your arse is caked in excrement, do you step into the shower, do you open the door slightly and shout out to anyone else who may happen to be in the house/building/public toilet?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ive had to have a shower before.

 

Settled on the throne, noting the half a bog roll, expecting to be in and oot in about 5 mins but mustve been there about 20 mins having shit after shit after shit.

 

everytime i finished wiping WHILST SEATED i got the urge to go again.

 

This must of happenned about 4 times. there mustve been 4 meals up there waiting to be curled out.

 

anyway - by the 4th one there was nee bog roll left and i remember sitting there waiting as if some bog roll would magically appear :up:

 

it didnt. so i decided to have a shower. other than the day i was born - my arse has never been cleaner.

 

was wierd drying me arse and legs when the rest of me was bone dry though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tried wiping whilst sitting this morning, it's okay but my hand kept touching the toilet seat. It just feels wrong.

 

 

Men stand, women sit. Carved in stone.

Edited by Park Life
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've learned the hard way that when the chicken and pork stir fry in the fridge says "use by 31/05/2008", you should chuck it in the bin on 01/06/2008 and NOT chance that it'll be OK :up::lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've learned the hard way that when the chicken and pork stir fry in the fridge says "use by 31/05/2008", you should chuck it in the bin on 01/06/2008 and NOT chance that it'll be OK :up::lol:

 

When in doubt overfry.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nope, when in doubt sling it in the fucking bin.... it hard pork in it man!

 

i've lost count how many times i've been to the bog tonight :up:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've learned the hard way that when the chicken and pork stir fry in the fridge says "use by 31/05/2008", you should chuck it in the bin on 01/06/2008 and NOT chance that it'll be OK :lol: :lol:

I'm guessing the one thing it wasn't was hard. :up:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.