Howmanheyman

Fucking hell, man!

Interesting that the memories of NUFC games question never seems to go back far apart from the odd one here and there. Keep up the good work, Fishy!

Pease pudding, saveloy dips and stotties.

Tough audience this fucka is, mind.

Similar thing happened to me last month, noticed a big lump down in my goulies so thought I'd better get it checked out, the only thing being that one of my Doctors is a smart looking lass in her early thirties. Guess which one checked me? Yep, Dr Sexy it was. She said it was nothing to worry about so I asked her if it was just a cyst? She said no, it was an extra testicle! I couldn't believe what I was hearing but she said I'd developed an extra testicle as my member was that big that the two testicles I had couldn't produce enough semen to do the cock justice. It was a total shock to the system and as I was struggling to take it all in Dr Sexy dropped to her knees saying she needed to have a go at it before taking me in her mouth. What a dream day that was!

Elton John: "can you feel the love tonight?" (Walker to the core, this lad).

He does a good impression of Eric Idle haggling over a guord or however you spell it. '£10M for thaht? You must be mahd! Go on, it's your turn, offer me £15M!' Brian: '£15M' Pardew: "£15M! He's offering me £15M and me with a dying mother to look after and a poorly donkey to feed!' Brian: "But you told me what to bid! Oh tell me what to bid, please!" Pards: " Offer me 18." Brian: "18." Pards: "18! 18!!! He's offering me 18 for this established French international, a French international who we personally nurtured and who's like a sahn to me etc, etc....."

Shandy drinking puff, couldn't drink cold tea, wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in the day etc, etc......

He needs to bare in mind it's not just his boss who's going to read his shit craic and saying such a big clubs priority is avoiding relegation is a bit shit. Then again, he always claims he's going to attack the cups and I'm struggling to think of a worse record in the cups from any NUFC manager in my time.

When you're at a club as big as Newcastle your first priority is not to get relegated? 'thanks to Mike Ashley's bravery'? What a fucking nugget this bloke is, never mind 'cockney mafia', it's cockney patter that turns my stomach.

Nightshift?

It really isn't worth the grief, mate. (after nearly 18 years I've developed the ability to 'switch off')

I've got two daughters arguing, an eight year old crying for being told off by her Mam but unfortunately I'll get 'the look of death' if I pipe up that I'm off for a long walk.

Sounds ok if you like a few days away with an extended family. Wouldn't dream of it with just Wife and kids. Meant to be dragging ourselves away from Villa/pool today for a drive through mountains to wherever we end up but as it's only an hour after breakfast and I'm on my third shit already it may have to be put back till tomorrow.

Still got the shorts from that strip. (and they fit my waist fine but are like underpants compared to todays football shorts).

BUT WILL THEY END UP AS A SUPERMARKET?! ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!!

Think there was a few, might've been blown out of proportion but it ultimately fucked Bobby with Shepherd and Douglas hall.

Took the piss out of SBR behind his back which lead shepherd to think we needed a disiplinarian like Souness.

carried a bit more beef then, just had a pizza and a couple of cans and feel the weight creeping on me already.

haha. Never had to put up with that shit, mate! Third time here and happy to report that the bog roll flushes, repeat, the bog roll flushes.

I'm in a canny mood, 18 days away from shitty work and shitty nightshift. 14 of those kicking back by our own Villa in Cyprus by the pool. Thank furk for that as they say in Bedlington.

Did the Triads get a hold of you that time, mate? (the time you hid behind the settee?)

Only when I want a window fitted.

!st one says, 'Do you have a room with a bath?' 2nd one says, 'Can you tell me the way to the nearest beach?'