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I suppose "Only The Strongest Will Survive" was OK...

You mean that isn't the c-word everyone keeps talking about?

Yeah, now that I'm back in the country in the first place, I imagine that if anything happened in my relationship (Fluffy Cloud Being forbid) then I'd be back up to the north-east in a shot.

I know, aren't they just hideous?

That's definitely where I first read the rabbit joke Me too, I imagine. In fact I bet it was on a page where I Folded Down The Corner because it was One Of The Best Jokes.

I slept till about 4.30pm today, so I'm not even remotely tired yet. Tomorrow morning will be blue indeed.

I wish I'd never got rid of my copy of 3001 Jokes For Kids, I'd be the comedy god on here

The frontrunner in the Turkmen elections is called Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov. Now that's funny.

What, losing?

In the grand scheme of things, saying football has had the same influence on the world as the bible is a bit thick. No-one said that was the case tbh. Its inclusion in the list implies that though. Does Newcastle being in the top ten suggest we're as good as Man U then? That's a poor analogy, we are certainly capable of beating Man Utd, which is more than 99.9% of football teams in this country can say. And Maradonna could kick Jesus's arse. Fat bloated has-been Vs Miracle Boy? I know who I'd put a tenner on. "Hand of God vs. Son of God", you mean.

What, like the post you just quoted?

You know, I reckon you could say you were a volunteer charity worker who rescued drowning kittens for a living and Leazes would still find a way of sneering at your profession if you dared to disagree with him on footballing matters.

Cannibal Corpse - Entrails Ripped From A Virgin's C.......atmag

Thank fuck for that. I was worried you were gonna be a bit bitter about losing. Bet he had a minute's silence before dinner tonight.

Cracking thread. I'd make some recommendations but a corresponding CD for me and the fella would be all country music and wrist-slitting Eastern European Eurovision, so I doubt it'd help you much. If you're looking for more mainstream stuff though, something like Leann Rimes's "On The Side Of Angels" or Shania Twain's "You're Still The One" are nice and warm without being too nauseating. The latter is more suited for a couple who've been together for years and years though, so if it's not been all that long you might want to leave it off for fear of freaking her out completely.

What would he know, he only started going to our matches in 1992...

Glad to hear it was a good 'un!

Washing machine on every day? Leccy bill-tastic

Any better? Nice and up to date, I see

Yep, it actually serves a purpose during the day, which already puts it well ahead of most "scene" areas.

Got to bed shortly before 3am. Got up at 5.30 to catch a train to Gatwick. Will be going through the night here and flying back at 6.40am. Then hibernating until Monday.

We're often "Charles N'Zogbia's Left Foot" at the pub quiz in Hamburg, because it's fun watching the quizmistress work out how the hell to say it.

Jesus. I've probably bumped into you in Uhrlaub or somewhere. Or fucked one of your friends at least. Incidentally, don't go near Rosso on Lange Reihe tonight without earplugs, there's a Eurovision event on.

Oh god, I forgot about Jonny and his gay bingo. He hasn't done it for weeks now. In a sulk after nobody wanted to play. Jonny has permanently been burned into my brain for better or worse, as the guy that tried to grab my balls after feeling me up. I still don't know whether to take it as a compliment or not. Then you'd best show up again some time to find out for sure.