Ayatollah Hermione

Jenas as well as Jeans

Jeans is exactly the kind of anodyne, rent-a-quote gobshite that these networks love to fill space between the adverts. Problem is that he’s trying to drop hot takes like Neville and Carragher but he’s doing it with an ounce of the knowledge or even broader awareness of football as a whole. Fuck me, what a cunt. And he’s going to be around for fucking years, I’m not sure he’s even 40

If Man City truly loved football, they’d have give us a 4th to make it interesting. Boring shitehawks

Every time Scott Carson dives, he’ll need Kyle Walker to help him back up. We still won’t register a shot on target

Tbh, I think having a manager who is constantly throwing jibes at the fans because he knows he’s shielded by empty COVID stadiums is one of the foundations for success

Can see a calamitous performance on the horizon after our glorious gaffer has picked up Manager of the Month. I reckon we might even fuck up the guard of honour.

No delay on Mondays restrictions so let’s see just how bad this can get in a few weeks with everyone drinking inside

Press conference at 5, apparently. Can only assume the restrictions are being extended

I really like Man-Child by the old Herb. “Hang up Your Hang-Ups” is quality.

Can’t believe you asked for more space to upload photos and you use it to post FILTH on this very forum

Don’t be daft, I had to find out about it from The Chronicle this morning

Hands up who was at Allards in Tynemouth during the times they’ve mentioned. Fuck sake. Mind, if I’ve picked it up from the 3rd of May, I’d say the damage has been pretty much done now; isolating for a test almost 2 weeks after the fact seems like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted, ran 15 mile down the road and shit all over the place.

Can I buy this through STORMGAIN? Official Crypto sponsors of NUFC?

He had a heart attack on the dock once and was back doing his graft 20 minutes later. He’s a medical marvel

I feel quite successful not wasting a fucking Wednesday night watching this shite in a half-empty stadium. I've had quite enough experiences in the Intertoto Cup to see me off those.

Can't remember if I've mentioned him here but a kid at work likes a good bullshit tale but a lot of the time it's things that you'd never even lie about. He tells everyone he can drive when he can't for one. Just, why bother? He was also mates with Coloccini (don't know how) and he once couldn't come into work because he had to take his dog to the vets because it had a bad head.

Should clarify that he absolutely loves porn. Keeping the entire industry afloat

Barely related but my mate was buying a house recently and their lass looked at his bank statement and asked what “Brazzers Premium” was

Think Spurs have too many delusions of grandeur to sign Kane’s replacement from a lowly Premier League side.

What was the Pardew “nickname” again? Shitdrew or something? It was incredibly witty though

Getting a team photo for winning a match Bizarrely good performance though. Until Willock went off, we absolutely pissed it

They’re too fit and too well coached for us to lay a glove on them. 3-0 to them with Vardy back among the goals

Moved to a new area recently and cast my vote for Labour. They kept the seat but my councillor is a right fugly one. Come on, Starmer. Let’s get some tidy boilers in the mix and retake Britain.

Grealish is mint but he's definitely an impact player in this squad. Get him on at 1-1, give him a remit to take the game by the bollocks and he'll respond. Reckon Wilson might have a late shout if he ends the season well. Ings is struggling and Wilson could definitely do a job stretching tired defences with 15 minutes to go. Open the space for the likes of Grealish, Mount and Foden to ghost into.

A Rice-Foden-Mount midfield three seems so obvious for England at this point that I can't wait to see which one is dropped for Kalvin Phillips.