Ayatollah Hermione

Mitrovic and Perez as a pair is it for me. Hopefully everything is about to click into place. Anyone catch the linesman who looked like him out of Sparks?

Nowt wrong with Golden Grahams, lads. I wouldn't pay three quid a bowl though. You can get a box for £1.80 or whatever. Just simple maths at the end of the day and those lads farting about with a cereal cafe need to take that into account.

Aye, they had to send a letter this pre-season promising that they would actually try to do half-decent this year ffs

I reckon this will be an improved performance if we don't shoot ourselves in the face within 10 minutes again. If their heads don't drop, we could kick on. We'll still get beat like.

Is the New Order album actually good or is it just for drug casualties to relive their youth?

Is that one of the cows from the second pic on your plate?

Rest of it is canny like.

I can't wait until I can actually use Quiet because Jesus Christ, the sneaking in Mission 14 is the most aggravating thing I can remember being put through in years. I can't just rampage in with my gatling gun toting robot and destroy everything because "they might kill the prisoner!" I'd rather he be dead than crawl around 4 different swamps, waiting for the AI interpreter to finish his fucking tab before driving to the next pointless place. Instead, I'll get spotted by a guard with Batman vision from 100m away and restart from the last checkpoint. Which is fucking miles away. What a bag of shit this mission is. Anything that restricts my options in a game like this can get fucked right off. Might wait for the credits and send the mission designer a parcel of shite in the post. Just googled where the shit muncher I need to extract is and am doing it that way. I will bypass your terrible forced boredom, Kojima. I will and I'll be happy about it.

McClaren is so married to this system that he plays one up top at home against Sheffield Wednesday reserves. They're never going to shake the players out of this malaise if they just repeat what went before. Going to be a long season, this.

Got it on Tuesday through nefarious means (The US PSN store) and I'm enjoying it. It seems a lot different than last years in the sense that it's hard to just clip a long ball over the top and have your fastest player run on to it, there's more battles in midfield. The animations remind me of PES and how it uses the FOX engine so that's another improvement. Haven't tried too much of it like but going to take it online tonight and see if the 14 year olds have found this year's "Give it to Gareth Bale and run" tactic yet.

People from Birmingham use a bison to wash their face

Thought Ighalo gave him an absolute battering on Saturday. Colo was either nowhere near him most of the time or out jumped, out fought or out strengthened. Was hoping he'd just fuck off back to Argentina in the summer tbh.

Even more annoying is that I reckon Mbemba/Mbwia would have made a canny partnership. Ridiculous he wasn't given a good run in the side because Coloccini is undroppable

Harsh but fair. Like the Russian police.

Had some of that Lagerbier Hell in Tilleys the other week. £4.65 for a bottle but I was swaying after two. Goes down far too easily for how much it sends me loopy.

I'll remember to draw the police's attention to this in 3 years when the Boldon Butcher is at large.

Basically, imagine the bomb is your hunger. Your hunger can grow large enough for you to put away 3 cheeseburgers during a 90 minute football match.

It's only been 7 games though. You look at the previous 5 league games and you could draw the conclusion that the Watford game is the first bad result.

Can't see why we persist with that like. There was nowt coming down the left, even when we had two left wingers on the flank and then when Janmaat went down with cramp (after doing all of that lazy fucker Sissoko's work), there was absolutely no other source of danger. I don't think it's so much the one striker up top (though, no matter who it is, Cisse, Perez, Mitrovic, they are very isolated), I think it's the system as a whole. It seems to be susceptible to the counter attack and very one-dimensional. Once again, we just get undone by the basics and can't seem to implement them ourselves. Take their closing down on the edge of their area against ours, for instance. When McClaren talked about changes, I was hoping we'd see a different system, not just a shuffling of the pieces in which Sissoko is, somehow, undroppable.

Congrats, mate. Dragging your pregnant lass all the way to Dubai so you can swan about launching cheesecake down your neck. Disgraceful

Good win today and a cup win on Wednesday will be a good week.

It warms my heart that rugby is getting the shoeing it deserves. If I wanted to watch a fat lad hoof a ball 70 yards up a field and then pass it sidewards, I'd watch Sunderland.

Alexei Smertin Genuinely not heard that name for about 10 years

If that's how it goes, I better get some ready for Monday morning.

my first game this season, due to it being the first home game at 3 (ffs) so we'll win.