Monkeys Fist

Ulysses and Ostara? Probably best off dying in a jungle, tbh.

£13.80 a sitting, then?

Use the glove detector setting?

Lads, lads, space is just a painting on the inside of the ice dome.

We're the Mags at work,We're the Mags at work, We are, We are, We're the Mags at work !

Shall we tell them?

I apolog.... Nah.

Isn't Portland hipster Central? He'll be able to dust off that horror show of a Trophyshy suit he wore on Channel 5.

The negotiations. Agent-" We've had an offer from Portland ,Tayls, I think it's the best we're going to get." Taylor - " Ah divvent fancy the south coast, full of cockneys." Agent-" No no, Portland in the Pacific North West" Taylor-" North West? Near Carlisle? Belta, I'll nip across the A69 and still be home in time for peeve." Agent-" No Steven, the Pacific North West. Across the pond, you know?" Taylor- " Whaat?? What about the tsunamis and talibans and that? No way" Agent -" It's in AMERICA man! The USA" Taylor- " Mint! Will I get to meet the Fonz? I want to meet the Fonz. I'm not signing unless I get to meet the Fonz" Agent-" Ok Steven, leave it with me...." *mutters - " Jeeeesus"

That's the very brief version of events, catching the bastard was perilous, considering it was virtually quadriplegic the thing could still shift, and peck. Fuck me could it peck

There'll be 25 threads on RTG within the hour. " Mag twats turn on each other over Moyes"

We hit one whilst driving near Blanchland , many years ago. Felt it going under two wheels ( bump, squawk, bump, crunch), thought " Ah well, it won't have felt much". Cut to an hour or so later, we are coming back down the same road, there it is hopping along the side of the road, one leg totally fucked and its wings on Joey Deacon style. We decided the only thing to do was wring its neck- easier said than done We must've stretched the fucker's neck 7-8 inches and twisted it like we were giving it a Chinese burn- just pissed it off, the squawky fucker. We eventually finished it off by holding its head and swinging the rest of it, lassoo style, around our heads until it died. Stubborn fucker deserved it.

This is what happens, Renton, when you find a Corbynite in the Alps.

Always liked the lad.

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World's shittest statue

I'm not sure I know what you mean?

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I'll be working in Dundee tomorrow, Jings Crivvens Inshallah.

BAUschwitz?

I hope he keeps the job until the Qatar WC, purely because I want to see his hippo heed turn beetroot red then explode in a sweat bomb.

Taxi!