Monkeys Fist

But not Dingbats, eh?

“ Dave, love, come down from the attic” ” I will Mummy, as soon as I’ve finished my frozen grapes” *whispered to Pa Fish ” Are you sure he’s ours?”

I was surprised to see Tom wearing a hat.

Have them anyway, there’s no Kitchen Police working on Christmas Day.

Fuck off

Did anyone see that massive meteorite yesterday evening just after 5pm? Fucking massive, albeit very briefly.

I’m going to show this to my kids then tell them Santa killed himself.

Reesty.

Is it ok to swim in the sea, though, but?

Sounds like he’s menopausal. Do you get a dry fanny,too, Quiff?

How can you be sure?

Yes.

ftmaotf, innit.

Smashing Off Villa too, I almost feel sorry for the inbred fuckwits.

I’m sure you chaps have gone in to the thrilling financial details, but there’s one very important question about our potential new owner that needs answering. The answer is yes. Right in the stinker.

It’s taken time, but I’m finally able to admit that, whilst an audience member on Razzmatazz, I saw Alistair Pirrie’s knob, in the lavs when he nipped in for a piss. When I say, “I saw”, admittedly, I didn’t see much… and when I say “knob”, it was more like a reject walnut whip. But I was so traumatised that I tried to cop a feel of Zoe Brown’s snapper, and ended up getting thrown out. @metoo.

Dadoon.

I did a job recently that worked out at £250p/h. My house is a fucking tip though

Yes, Hartlepool is also a horrific, hell on Earth.

You bunch of plebs are not worthy of my distaste.....