MrBass

Think I posted this around the same time last year, but can't be arsed to look for it. 1. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. 2. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which! seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 1,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. 3. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them --- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 4. 600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs. 5. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

For about 100 bucks you can upgrade the box yourself to a 250Gb machine - Clicky

For you Fishmeister

All over mate. Different websites. Some believe it or not come from the Rover Owners motor Club Some are garbage (leave it alone) Some or cracking. But it costs nowt and it creates conversation and I hope a little mirth. Plus it gets the little man a airing

How have Setanta managed to get it for £2m cheaper than Sky?

See tht's what happens when you're at work. He is making a comeback which I find distasteful as I believe him to be a kiddy fiddler. Fiddler=Violin player. So his comeback is distasteful because you believe he's a kiddy fiddler. Post a vid on YouTube airing your thoughts, I'm sure he'll take note and cancel the comeback tour.

Is it wrong that the first objection that came to my mind was "But I never had a bunk bed"?

Something Christmassy wasn't it?

I hit a car on the way to work this morning and knew right then and there that it was going to be a REALLY bad day. The driver got out and, wouldn't you know it, he was a dwarf. He stormed over to my car, looked up at me and said "I'm NOT fucking happy!" So I looked back at him and said "Well, which fucking one are you then?"

Aye, I heard that. Sometimes you've just got to keep your mouth shut. Lad behind me has turned into a right bitter bastid, he's gone from being a piss taker and laughing about it when things are going bad like us to pretty viciously booing Geremi, Barton (before the comments) and Owen. Seems like even the more 'sensible' fans are getting frustrated at the moment. It is getting far worse amongst the fans in terms of the general attitude. A large majority now at the match just turn so quickly on the team and manager in a game its like its on a hair trigger and will go at the slightest thing. Back in the day it could actually take a long while for a majority in the ground to be on their back. I think i'm actually quite lucky in that where i sit its by and large the same people and whilst like everyone we've all been taken over by the depression and anger of recent years there isnt particularly arguments between people or any nastiness directed to each other, and thats in quite a wide area from my seat. The last argument i remember was me with some fat bloke who kept defending Souness, he doesn't go to the match anymore now! I thought Gemmill still went to the odd game?

I tought I taw a Catmag

To be fair to Allardyce though, the majorities of injuries we currently have are with the defence. Given that it's a relatively new defence as it is, they need time to gel as a unit. You can't expect to chop and change personnel every game and still keep clean sheets.

Isn't he the LB/LW who signed for Real Madrid in the summer?

Totally agree. I reckon there'll be around about 20 goals this weekend... and you can take that to the bank.[/Hard To Kill]

So their assessments have been spot on for the past few years then.

Allardyce has no option but go for the win imo... so we'll scrape a lucky 2-2 draw.

G'day!

You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be. You are not a romantic person by nature. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

You're forgetting about the unrest in the dressing room, and the fact that none of the players are listening to Allardyce anymore. Who was captain on Saturday? Is it still Geremi when he starts? I believe so.

You're forgetting about the unrest in the dressing room, and the fact that none of the players are listening to Allardyce anymore.

Until someone's actually put pen to paper, there's always a chance of signing them. Shearer and Owen are testament to that.

It's not all it's cracked up to be tbqf.