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The Secret Diary of Lee Ryder (aged 44 and a half)


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Good call. :good:

 

I'll squeeze him in somewhere, I'm sure. :)

Don't fucking forget to fucking mention that fucking true fucking Geordie fucking character. And how he tries to look hard, but just looks like he's passing a hard shit. Waaatz that aal aboot? As he would say.

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Don't fucking forget to fucking mention that fucking true fucking Geordie fucking character. And how he tries to look hard, but just looks like he's passing a hard shit. Waaatz that aal aboot? As he would say.

:lol: I'd totally blocked that bellend from my memory, does he still do his daft videos? my mate used to send me them all the time on facebook before I told him to pack it in, the last one I saw was him reviewing the playstation 4 :lol: as if we needed his brilliant insight into other areas of the world.

Oh aye HMHM may as well get that Geordie dancer bloke involved as well, and the horse puncher...

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Aye, he still does the videos. I only know because if you try and google the highlights / goals of our match you'll quite often get him on page one of the results giving his insight in a 'no nonsense' (i.e. sweary / constipated) manner.

Edited by Alex
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The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half.

24/10/2014

 

Well ah had a piece from Tayls the other day, then yesterday ah done a bit on Supermac so was struggling a bit with what to do today? I thought of going all Caulkin and Bird and mebbees tracking down some of Ashley's business ventures but ah've five-a-side tonight and didn't want to risk missing the kick off at six bells so I got out Alan Oliver's little 'desperate black book' he left me when he fucked off to The People and sharp came to the letter 'B'. Craig Bellamy told me to never fucking ring his house again or he'd gouge the eyes out of my stupid fucking baldy head but luckily Lee Bowyer had a spare five minutes so I had a quick chat with him instead. Anyways, that only took 'iz all of ten minutes to write up so FC ncjmedia could mop their brows with relief as midfield maestro Ryder will be ok to pull the strings which is bad fucking news for 'Big Al's Balls' who we take on later tonight. Also great for my readers who get to hear the views of another NUFC legend, Bowyer, brought to them by yours truly.

 

As ah had a spare half hour ah thought ah'd preview the Spurs game on a video blog. Ah'm fully aware we are now in a multi media age and the days of the old 'Pink' are long gone so ah get my views videoed and put online, I check out the hits and am a bit gobsmacked that the 'True Geordie' gets more hits than me! Fair enough, ah knaa that most of them will just be laughing at the foul mouthed, daft baldy bastard who talks shite because for real in-depth analysis they'll listen to me later who of course is fuck all like the fucking so-called 'True Geordie'. (Never saw the cunt at Filbert Street when it kicked off, like. Still probably watching the Power Rangers on children's ITV at the time the baldy prick). Anyway, early start at the Eldon Square active league tonight so this is Lee Ryder signing off. Sweet!

 

 

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The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half.

24/10/2014

 

Well ah had a piece from Tayls the other day, then yesterday ah done a bit on Supermac so was struggling a bit with what to do today? I thought of going all Caulkin and Bird and mebbees tracking down some of Ashley's business ventures but ah've five-a-side tonight and didn't want to risk missing the kick off at six bells so I got out Alan Oliver's little 'desperate black book' he left me when he fucked off to The People and sharp came to the letter 'B'. Craig Bellamy told me to never fucking ring his house again or he'd gouge the eyes out of my stupid fucking baldy head but luckily Lee Bowyer had a spare five minutes so I had a quick chat with him instead. Anyways, that only took 'iz all of ten minutes to write up so FC ncjmedia could mop their brows with relief as midfield maestro Ryder will be ok to pull the strings which is bad fucking news for 'Big Al's Balls' who we take on later tonight. Also great for my readers who get to hear the views of another NUFC legend, Bowyer, brought to them by yours truly.

 

As ah had a spare half hour ah thought ah'd preview the Spurs game on a video blog. Ah'm fully aware we are now in a multi media age and the days of the old 'Pink' are long gone so ah get my views videoed and put online, I check out the hits and am a bit gobsmacked that the 'True Geordie' gets more hits than me! Fair enough, ah knaa that most of them will just be laughing at the foul mouthed, daft baldy bastard who talks shite because for real in-depth analysis they'll listen to me later who of course is fuck all like the fucking so-called 'True Geordie'. (Never saw the cunt at Filbert Street when it kicked off, like. Still probably watching the Power Rangers on children's ITV at the time the baldy prick). Anyway, early start at the Eldon Square active league tonight so this is Lee Ryder signing off. Sweet!

 

 

 

:lol:

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The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half.

25/1014

 

Should've wrote this yesterday but was busy travelling to to the big smoke for the game with Spurs. The recession is obviously hitting Thomson House as instead of putting us up in Lenny Henry's favourite hotel, they put us in a private run little pokey place just round the corner from Leicester Square. I say 'us' as I have to share with Neil fucking Cameron from The Journal as well! Cams ok, like but when ah says lets hit Soho and deek the fanny he says he's busy preparing for the match then needs to wash his hair, the big puff! Nee idea why he'd want to stay in this dive though, fuck knaas who was here before us but we found loadsa weird photos under the bed of plates of food and some strange looking ginger bloke tekking a photo of himself in a long mirror.

 

 

 

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Anyways, ah gans out myself and you know the famous saying, 'Wherever you gan, you'll always meet a Geordie'? Well fuck me! Ah bumps into John Anderson and Mick Lowes! Nottingham Mick and Dubliner Anderson, the scourge of flying left wingers, of course rule the roost on the local airwaves and are down for the commentary of the match tomorrow. "Alreet, John?" ah shouts. He says hello back but doesn't say owt else and starts talking to Lowes. "John, you remember me, Lee Ryder? Ah work for The Chronicle, Ah once asked you a question at a talk-in at the New York & Murton Social club in North Shields, not remember? Ah says how did it feel when you snapped the legs of that Charlton kid an you says, 'Walshy?, good mate of mine, I was gutted', You not remember now, man?" Anyways he says to me that he definitely remembered me but they must be suffering from the same disease as Cams as they reckon they have to get back and get their heads down for an early start. Didn't expect that of Ando, like, as he was tanning the fucking Guinness when ah first spotted him. Anyways, ah gets a chinkees and head back as it looks like ahm ganna by meself if ah stay out. Ryder and out.

Edited by Howmanheyman
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He's an odd bod isn't he. Now I appreciate he MAY NOT write the headlines, but even the text suggests that Ayoze said Newcastle have turned the corner, then there's the quotes and he's said nothing like that at all. A bloke who writes suffering unbelievable hangovers in my view.

 

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/ayoze-perez-wins-spanish-awards-8009397

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http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/newcastle-united-always-me-says-8035396?

 


 

Sunday Sun columnist Pavel Srnicek urges current crop of Magpies to go for it and do something his Newcastle United team couldn't.

I may live and work in Prague but even though I am hundreds of miles away from Tyneside, Newcastle United is always with me.
In Prague, we have lots of magpies in the city and every time I see one I think of Newcastle. The other week I was on my balcony in the afternoon sun and a magpie landed by my feet. Just at that second my phone went, and it was a journalist from Newcastle asking me for a favour.
He wanted my help for a piece he was doing on the 1995/96 season but he also told me his friend was coming to Prague for a stag do and would I come out for a drink with them to watch the Newcastle match?

 

 

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half.

28/10/2014

Ah bumped into me old schoolmate, cockeyed Mala, while I was buying a saveloy dip from Dicksons for me dinner a couple of days ago and he mentions that he's off to Prague and if ah could mebbees give Pav a ring so's the lads could have a pint with him somewhere? Ah hear Mala's sis, Sonia has divorced and she was canny smart back in the day so a Ryder plan starts to come together and just like Hannibal from the A-Team, ah'm going to love it. Ah was struggling a bit for me write up as the NUFC ban was starting to cramp my style and even Stevie Taylor was a bit more shy now he's getting a game again, so inadvented, err, inadverted, err, completely by accident, Mala gives me a great idea to fill the back page with an easy story and get in his good books so he can put a word in with Sonia! Mala might be cockeyed but when it comes to NUFC articles and tapping the fanny, Ryder has twenty fucking twenty vision. Before ah gets the train down to Manchester for the tie of the round, Man City superstars v Newcastle Utd's likely lads, Ah get Pav's number from Ollies little desperate black book and give him a ring. Ah tell Pav that Alan Oliver is my Dad and could he meet me mates for a bevvy? Pav's cush and agrees as well as giving me permission to put his name to whatever shite ah put in the Chronicle. Belta! Ah bells Mala and tell him where to gan to meet the former Toon shot stopper and gets Sonia's number back in a text! After that it's a pretty mixed night, on the one hand, Rolando, Moussa and Ryan Taylor have a night to remember alongside 3,000 deliourass, deliaress, ecstatic Geordies, on the other, Sonia texts me back saying she's going out with a sales rep from the Jennings dealership in Gateshead. Bastard.

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The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half.

01/11/2014

 

Another day, another dollar, another day of feeding the monster that is the Toon Army with their never ending appetite for all things NUFC. Ah decided ah'd go a bit retro again, and like Kylie, Ah'd 'step back in time' to 1991 and a certain Argentinian, who, like Pards recently, gave youth a chance, yep Osvaldo Ardiles, or Ossie to the Toon Army. Ah get his number out of the little desperate black book and give him a ring. When he finds out ah'm from the Chronicle he wants to talk to his old friend, 'Meesta Geebson'. Ah tells him it's ok he can talk to me but he's not having fucking any of it, so eventually ah just tell him that John Gibson died in a boating accident in Leazes Park and I had power of attorny over all his articles as his Grandson. After five minutes of tears and sobs over Gibbo ah get all the crack ah need on the likes of Thommo, Robbie Elliott, Stevie Watson and future NUFC boss-in-waiting, Lee Clark. As ah leave the Thomson House ah pass the 'late' Gibbo as he has an appointment with Mr Glenfiddich in The Bacchus.

 

Anyway, the most important thing today is getting invited to be on the 'Total Sport' show on BBC radio Newcastle with Simon Pride, ex-Newcastle right back, Woah Johnny, Johnny, Johnny Anderson and according to the shows reseacher, other 'carefully selected' North-East sports media reporters including yours truly. Ah looks forward to debating NUFC stuff with the likes of Niall Hickman, George Caulkin, Simon 'JFK's cunt' Bird or Luke Edwards when ah get there, it'll be good practice for when ah finally get on Sky's 'Sunday Supplement'. Anyway ah get shown into the studio and who are the other 'carefully selected' North-East sports media reporters? Fucking Steve Wraith and the True bastard Geordie! Ah cannot believe they'd get me on the show with these deadbeats. Honestly, ah cannot get a word in edgeways, True Geordie starts ranting and the beepometer on BBC radio Newcastle goes through the roof, then when he lets up, Steve Wraith starts talking about his chats with former NUFC FA youth cup winning striker, Joe Allon before going on a twenty minute monologue on the Fucking Krays and their 'Geordie connection'. Ah says "what Connection is that, Steve? Did they watch an episode of Auf Wiedersehen Pet in Maidstone Prison?" Next thing we're face to face, former bouncer Wraith and former Toon Army foot soldier Ryder. Anyhows, John Anderson steps in and threatens to chin us both if we don't sit down so we respect the Legend and cool off. Ah still can't get over these two getting on the same show as me, like. The BBC must be dumbing down.

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The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half.

01/11/2014

 

Another day, another dollar, another day of feeding the monster that is the Toon Army with their never ending appetite for all things NUFC. Ah decided ah'd go a bit retro again, and like Kylie, Ah'd 'step back in time' to 1991 and a certain Argentinian, who, like Pards recently, gave youth a chance, yep Osvaldo Ardiles, or Ossie to the Toon Army. Ah get his number out of the little desperate black book and give him a ring. When he finds out ah'm from the Chronicle he wants to talk to his old friend, 'Meesta Geebson'. Ah tells him it's ok he can talk to me but he's not having fucking any of it, so eventually ah just tell him that John Gibson died in a boating accident in Leazes Park and I had power of attorny over all his articles as his Grandson. After five minutes of tears and sobs over Gibbo ah get all the crack ah need on the likes of Thommo, Robbie Elliott, Stevie Watson and future NUFC boss-in-waiting, Lee Clark. As ah leave the Thomson House ah pass the 'late' Gibbo as he has an appointment with Mr Glenfiddich in The Bacchus.

 

Anyway, the most important thing today is getting invited to be on the 'Total Sport' show on BBC radio Newcastle with Simon Pride, ex-Newcastle right back, Woah Johnny, Johnny, Johnny Anderson and according to the shows reseacher, other 'carefully selected' North-East sports media reporters including yours truly. Ah looks forward to debating NUFC stuff with the likes of Niall Hickman, George Caulkin, Simon 'JFK's cunt' Bird or Luke Edwards when ah get there, it'll be good practice for when ah finally get on Sky's 'Sunday Supplement'. Anyway ah get shown into the studio and who are the other 'carefully selected' North-East sports media reporters? Fucking Steve Wraith and the True bastard Geordie! Ah cannot believe they'd get me on the show with these deadbeats. Honestly, ah cannot get a word in edgeways, True Geordie starts ranting and the beepometer on BBC radio Newcastle goes through the roof, then when he lets up, Steve Wraith starts talking about his chats with former NUFC FA youth cup winning striker, Joe Allon before going on a twenty minute monologue on the Fucking Krays and their 'Geordie connection'. Ah says "what Connection is that, Steve? Did they watch an episode of Auf Wiedersehen Pet in Maidstone Prison?" Next thing we're face to face, former bouncer Wraith and former Toon Army foot soldier Ryder. Anyhows, John Anderson steps in and threatens to chin us both if we don't sit down so we respect the Legend and cool off. Ah still can't get over these two getting on the same show as me, like. The BBC must be dumbing down.

 

:lol:

 

Brilliant.

 

Nearly as good as HIS bits in the paper the other day suggesting Newcastle and Liverpool have one of the friendliest bonds anywhere in football.

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