Renton

BadEnoch says yesterday that statutory maternity pay is paid by tax payers and has "gone too far". She then rows back on it, claiming the interviewer made her say it. Nicky Campbell on R5 accepts this version of reality. Pure gaslighting. I really hope she gets the gig as she will say something disastrous every week. She is usueless with journalists, who she obviously despises.

I'm kind of ambivalent here. On the one hand, I don't want the game over sanitised. On the other, I'm not sure I am fully at ease singing about Wet Ham fans being petrol bombed. On yet another hand, they're West Ham fans, so....

You call me a rent boy all the time.

That book she's reading. First page. Second page. Third page.... "Callum Wilson, an illustration".

Alway nice to see UNITED get spanked, even by Spurs.

Until yesterdayhe hadn't reached the level of last season. But still think the stick he was getting was ott. He's usually our best player.

You'd have to go through the match threads. Probably most of us have had a dig tbh. Not me obviously, I rarely slag off players. 👼

Clicked on the thread and for some reason took me to the first page. Imagine my surprise and despair when I saw CT was spot on about a football matter.

Hopefully Gordon enjoyed this too.

Technically a pen, but soft as fuck. Don't see why Gordon didn't round the keeper and tapped in. Joelinton one was definitely a pen imo. Gordon was tremendous. I think the stick he has been given on here is ridiculous.

Shout out to the match goers. Me and KD I think. Hardly ever lose when I go.

Jesus Christ lads.

Naive to think the media would ever let him be shown as likable. He was likable mind, I met him a couple of times before he betrayed his brother. Never revealed any ambitions to be leader just two years prior to that.

Think that's naive for reasons Alex has already said. Also, he kind of did knife his brother in the back which contradicts Mr Nice guy somewhat and was quite the sliding doors moment imo.

I had a 12 noon call with my line manager last week, who is based in Boston. "Gosh, you're up early" I said, thinking it would be 7am there. "Yes Renton, I'm on the west coast today". The dippit cunt had arranged a call with me at 4am his time. Can't get much more virtuous than that. Just don't expect me to follow suit.

Also. I think I want to get creative and turn this epic story into a children's book, ladybird style. "Monkey's fist drops off the kids" or something. Edit. Also stikes me Viz may be interested.

You're on to something but we can do better. Let's use five number sixes, the Yahtzee formation.

Go on then CT, go for strike three.

As a filfthy stander I migh have known you like putting sticks up your arse. This is categorically not what it says on the IFU like, and I'd imagine would be much more likely to give you a false positive. Maybe that's why you did it, maybe you just fancied testing positive so you could get a whole camera up your arse, you dirty stander? You make me sick.

I mean, I quite like Danny Boyle films generally, but any plus for that is wiped out by the presence of Ed Sheeran. This film was just poor in both concept and implementation. IMDb agrees (6.8, a point too high imo). I made the point the owther week/month that film quality is just poor across the board now. I think Rom Coms, CT's favourite genre, probably more so than most.

Talking of poop, any tips on how to collect it for this colon screening test? The test specifically says do not let the sample be contaminated with toilet water. So I carefully laid down TP in order to catch it, but it was so strong and magnificant it just went straight through it. I'll need another 12 hours for another attempt. PLEASE DO NOT THINK OF THIS BEFORE YOU HAVE YOUR LUNCH BAIT. Just saying.

What's your position relative to him at work? I mean honestly, I'd suggest he should be dismissed. Why hasn't he? Is he amazing at what he does or soemthing?

Yeah, it's specific to our coastal location I think. The smart meters connect through some low frequency radio wave shit which doesn't reliably reach us, so they can't be commissioned. The engineer comes out, does his shit that doesn't work, sucks his teeth, and says he's had the same issue with everyone in our area. Then the next one comes out two months later, the same. So why fucking bother you dippits? (the provider admin, not the engineers). Last one said it could be fixed by attaching some huge aerial, but they never got back to us on that. I mean, I could understand this if we lived in Craster or somewhere, but we're smack in the middle of a conurbation here. Good thing is we're with Octopus now as well and they are much. much better than those french cunts EDF.

I see those brown envelopes still aren't doing the job, after all that effort we put into flooding the pitch at Wimbledon too.

In the parallel universe of Weardside, a MLF imagines it is NUFC who William Storey stalks and not SAFC*. * As well as create another multi-page thread full of the usual mysogny and racism.