Dr Kenneth Noisewater

J69 works in a hospital and doesn't wash his hands after a poo? No wonder MRSA is rife.

It's a very average Premiership, but I'm sure there are three teams worse than us. It might be too close for comfort for a while but we could finish anywhere between 17th and 6th.

The seasonal aisle seems to be on a four month rotation: Jan-April easter eggs; May-Aug BBQ stuff and garden furniture; Sept-Dec Roses, Quality Street, Matchmakers, Christmas puds, crackers and biscuits.

New Order - Technique Nirvana - Nevermind The first two Oasis albums neatly framed my uni years.

The culprit should be strapped into a jet-powered dragster and fired at a wall tbh.

Just found out today, they're playing in Boro on monday. Shame it's sold out, I really liked A Certain Trigger. and guess who will be there ???? Maybe you could wear a long coat and smuggle me in? you could get under my jumper no bother Best offer I've had all year!

Just found out today, they're playing in Boro on monday. Shame it's sold out, I really liked A Certain Trigger. and guess who will be there ???? Maybe you could wear a long coat and smuggle me in?

Mitchell & Webb much better this week. Loved the bloke with the magic flute. Mock the Week is quickly becoming The Frankie Boyle Show.

The best solution I've seen is in Spain and Portugal: Speed-triggered traffic lights. If you're coming down the road too fast they turn to red (if you go through the red light you get photographed and fined, obviously). Very effective. If you don't slow down you have to stop- simple. No one gets fined, no one gets points on their licence, no one's insurance goes up. Traffic is calmed, people are safe. Of course, it doesn't raise much coin for the police or politicians so it could never work here.

Just found out today, they're playing in Boro on monday. Shame it's sold out, I really liked A Certain Trigger.

I was at Maine Road for Oasis in '96 but unfortunately too shit-faced to remember most of it. Terrorvision always put on an enjoyable show, had my first crowd surf when they were at Middlesbrough town hall. I remember T-Keith on stage with GreenDay too. Also enjoyed Coldplay (and Idlewild supporting them) at the arena a couple of years back.

Coincidentally, its just been on the news. Speed only a factor in 15% of accidents. I'm not advocating putting limits up universally, in fact I think some should come down. But if motorway limits were more relavent to the 21st century I don't think people would mind if they were rigourously enforced.

The ideal christmas present for Cath?

Have you got any statistics on death rate due to speeding going up and up?

Electronic - Get The Message.

With Taylor. Potentialchaos-tastic tbh. And if someone's going to be the dominant centre-half, expect Roeder to hope it;s Bramble. I've always thought the best centre half partnerships combined a more intelligent reader-of-the-game / organiser type with a brick shithouse to head / tackle anything that comes near him. Whenever I've seen Taylor and Bramble play together I've got the impression of two beasts but no brains. Combine this with a hopelessly out of position Ramage (or a hopelessly disinterested Baba, or a hopelessly unfit Bernard) and the usual low quality displays we have come to expect from Carr, throw in our ability to royally fuck up and it's easy to see how it could go horribly wrong.

With Taylor. Potentialchaos-tastic tbh.

That's all very well, but do they play betamax?

And yet the death rate due to speeding vehicles just keeps going up and up. Does it? I was under the impression that road deaths were falling and we had some of the safest roads in europe.

If you are going to legalise drugs, you might as well legalise prostitution at the same time. Tax the earnings, make sure the hookers get proper health checks, cut out the pimps, give them somewhere to work away from peoples houses, like an industrial estate.