Monkeys Fist

Soz. I feel a bit deflated now, tbh.

Ironic that the most famous baked goods advert ever is on a street originally built by some royal lad who burnt cakes.

I won’t go in to detail, but it was a blind lad that invented the first Scratch and Sniff cards.

Ok Stoner.

I’ll just add that the real reason the uk housing market is fucked is thanks to Margaret Thatcher, who was from Generation Cunt.

You’ve got a cheek, mind Fish.

Rumours going round that he was tyred of life.

Oh, it will be, give it a day or two until his dad sobers up.

You know when you’d put your shoes on your knees as a kid and pretend to be a dwarf…

On the phone to cock-eyed Mala asking him how many fridge packs of Fosters he wanted shoplifting?

I’m utterly convinced that there’s a secret selection process at the end of training where they put the sexy wenches in to the most embarrassing department’s and the plain Jane’s and boilers get put in the dept’s where you can keep your dignity. “ Oh, Mr. PL, your face looks like a badly topped meat feast pizza, and I see you need a prostate exam too? Follow Nurse Trixie Fox and she’ll utterly destroy any self esteem you once had. “ You need a foot x-Ray? Gunhilde here will be glad to take care of you, just try not to look at her face for too long.”

X-Ray booked tomorrow for yay/nay on a new hip. I’ll be taking along £25 and asking if they can sort me out with a bit of medicinal green, too.

Black mam, White mam in a hijab, Chinese bairn- Gammon bingo house!

By golly !

Come on man Bilbo, it was the Wimbledon museum, not a Jam museum.

Just so you know, I went and I was sorely disappointed. Not a single fucking Womble anywhere on show.

He’ll fucking hate that. Lovely.

On his house, I hope.

I chinned a lad from Strasbourg once- fucker nicked my tent and all my possessions. Caught him the next day with my gear, had a disagreement and when I was picking him back up I may have inadvertently tore his ear half off. Not my proudest moment but he did squeal like a piggaaaay!

“ explaining to a fly why honey is better than shit” I’ve never liked Neil Young tbh, whilst not denying his talent, legacy, etc, having the Saturday night headline slot filled by a 79yr old says something. Quite what, I don’t know.