What mood are you in and why?

[PaddockLad 9174]

2 hours ago, Renton said:

 

My first thought was to laugh, love the way you always add current into your spousal descriptions.

Second thought was fucking hell, we're all getting old. 

Third thought was, fucking hell, you're costing the NHS nearly a thousand quid a month to keep alive.

 

Fucking monoclonal antibodies, not like in my day, t'was all good old reliable small molecule drugs back then [\Hovis tune to fade]

 Yeah it was weird when the consultant started talking about figures…”we’d like to offer you this treatment Rob, it’s really effective for your specific type of asthma but it is rather a lot of money…..” 

Apparently I was worth enough to society to get approved for it… others may disagree  

 

 

 

 

[Renton 9492]

28 minutes ago, PaddockLad said:

 Yeah it was weird when the consultant started talking about figures…”we’d like to offer you this treatment Rob, it’s really effective for your specific type of asthma but it is rather a lot of money…..” 

Apparently I was worth enough to society to get approved for it… others may disagree  

 

 

 

 

 

What I do for a living mate. And yeah, I disagree.

 

Edited February 28 by Renton

[Blastronaut 794]

All the best @Craig. Hope you're alright and have people to talk this through with and something resembling a support network.

 

I'll tread carefully here, being a keen drinker (bordering on functional alcoholism) that has probably made light of alcohol abuse here on a good few occasions. Even I'll admit I would likely be a far better dad, partner and person in general if I just didn't drink. I've had some big issues with severe depression in the past that I've mostly put behind me but the black dog still rears its head now and again, and alcohol fucking always exacerbates it when I'm in that mindset and can drag me down the suicidal ideology path. 

 

Be well man. I don't know you and won't pretend to know what you're going through. The only decent advice I can think to pass on that helped me is find people you trust and fucking vent man. And know you're not alone.

 

 

 

 

[RobinRobin 4461]

Take care of yourself Craig and get whatever help you need.  We'll be here to provide stupid commentary on whatever you decide (TM MF).

 

May be sensible to lay off the xG for a while, though.

 

[Renton 9492]

A bit shocked, a bit down. Went to the cemetery on a bit of a reconnaissance mission to find inspiration for my Dad and sister's epitaphs. Only taken me a year to get organised enough to buy the stone. Anyway, bumped into an old mate whose mother had passed away in November unbeknownst to me, he was doing the same as it happened. That was sad enough as I have fond memories of her as a kid, we were best mates and grew up together before drifting apart. Anyway, worse, this friend is pretty seriously fucked due to alcohol issues and, well, it doesn't look good for him in all honesty. He also told me how many people he had lost during the pandemic, he's the oldest surviving family member. He's exactly the type of person this government is fucking over too.

 

I dunno. I felt okay before I turned 50, then this happened during the covid pandemic and my realisation of my own mortality has hit me like a sledge hammer. Mainly because suddenly I had family and friends dying right, left and centre, many of whom were of the same generation. So many people also seem to have serious illnesses to deal with. It's difficult for me to seperate the machinations inside my head with reality at the minute. Am I percieiving the world in a certain way because I am depressed, or is it really as bleak as I sometimes feel? At the same time, I do feel genuinely more accepting of things and appreciative that in fact I am personally blessed. Could really do with a holiday like, or at least spring properly arriving. 

[Monkeys Fist 25028]

I had some serious depression during the pandemic mate, for a number of reasons. 
 

I’m much better now, but still have off days, the difference now being that I don’t beat myself up about it if and when I have one. 
 

Also, let’s be honest, a graveyard isn’t exactly a cheery place to have the conversation you had with old pal, so take it a bad day and you’ll be back to your usual cheery self tomorrow 

 

[Renton 9492]

2 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

I had some serious depression during the pandemic mate, for a number of reasons. 
 

I’m much better now, but still have off days, the difference now being that I don’t beat myself up about it if and when I have one. 
 

Also, let’s be honest, a graveyard isn’t exactly a cheery place to have the conversation you had with old pal, so take it a bad day and you’ll be back to your usual cheery self tomorrow 

 

 

Yeah, you're right. When I wasn't finding out my old mate was dying, I was taking lots of photos of graves trying to get the right epitaph, it's hard to please my mum, especially as one day she'll share the grave. Very cheery activity. And then I found a grave neighbouring our "plot" is of a woman and her kids, who she had murdered. 🤯(instant Google regret).  Fucking tragic. I dont think I'll tell my mum about that like. 

 

Anyway, cheers, I am genuinely okay, I think anniversaries of deaths are difficult in the early years regardless. I never understood this until now. My sister's is tomorrow (2 years), which is a bit of a pisser for my future St Paddy's days, but at least I'll never forget. Going out to a gig tomorrow night which should be the perfect tonic. 👍

[ewerk 18563]

5 hours ago, Renton said:

A bit shocked, a bit down. Went to the cemetery on a bit of a reconnaissance mission to find inspiration for my Dad and sister's epitaphs. Only taken me a year to get organised enough to buy the stone. Anyway, bumped into an old mate whose mother had passed away in November unbeknownst to me, he was doing the same as it happened. That was sad enough as I have fond memories of her as a kid, we were best mates and grew up together before drifting apart. Anyway, worse, this friend is pretty seriously fucked due to alcohol issues and, well, it doesn't look good for him in all honesty. He also told me how many people he had lost during the pandemic, he's the oldest surviving family member. He's exactly the type of person this government is fucking over too.

 

I dunno. I felt okay before I turned 50, then this happened during the covid pandemic and my realisation of my own mortality has hit me like a sledge hammer. Mainly because suddenly I had family and friends dying right, left and centre, many of whom were of the same generation. So many people also seem to have serious illnesses to deal with. It's difficult for me to seperate the machinations inside my head with reality at the minute. Am I percieiving the world in a certain way because I am depressed, or is it really as bleak as I sometimes feel? At the same time, I do feel genuinely more accepting of things and appreciative that in fact I am personally blessed. Could really do with a holiday like, or at least spring properly arriving. 

If anything it might be a glimpse into what might have happened had you not addressed your problem with alcohol. You seem to have a much improved relationship with it for which you deserve incredible credit.

 

But you may still be depressed and it’s important to recognise that depression completely fucks with your feelings and experiences. It’s been a while since I suffered from ‘moderate’ depression but it does distort everything.

 

Compared to where you were a number of months ago you seem to be doing really well.
 

I’m not sure how it applies to you but you may not yet be able to trust your emotions. It can be hard to differentiate between what you should be feeling and what the depression is making you feel but with the knowledge of what is going on in your brain it becomes easier over time.

 

I hope you’re getting professional help to get you through this.