trophyshy 6434 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? Quarterpounder with cheese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gene_Clark 12 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 What's the difference between a tramp on a unicycle and a well-dressed gentleman on a bicycle? Attire! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@yourservice 67 Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 If there's one thing I can't stand it's Heather Mills without her false leg on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
27020 0 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Breaking News: Man United have confirmed their game on Boxing Day against Wigan will go ahead as planned even if the threatened tube strike in London goes ahead. :icon_lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6308 Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Liverpool FC's search for a new right winger has finally ended. It's believed Nick Griffin will sign this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 (edited) Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was stuffed inside Anthony Worrall-Thompsons jacket. Edited January 11, 2012 by Dr Kenneth Noisewater Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6308 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb ? One..two..one..two..one..two..one..two.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chronic the Drug Wasp 6 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 By text: After landing myself in jail I spent the first 4 hours getting bummed relentlessly... I think my dad takes Monopoly far too seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6434 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Richard Kimble 0 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Did you hear about the Mackem estate agent that wanted to start having safe sex? He bought a condominium. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16753 Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 When I heard Stephen Hawking had reached 70, I thought, "fuck me - that's one powerful wheelchair." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16753 Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 Italian divers searching the stricken cruise ship have found two Glaswegians still in the bar. They've told the divers to fuck off, they're All Inclusive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27009 Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 Fergie calls Rooney into his office, "have you heard of Pele, son?", he asks. "Yes boss.", replies Shrek. Fergie then gives him a Pele DVD and tells him to watch it for tips. Next he calls in Phil Jones. "Have you heard of Beckenbauer, son?". "Yes Boss.", replies the young defender. Fergie then gives him a Beckenbauer DVD and tells him to sit and watch at home and see if he can learn anything from Der Kaiser. Next he shouts out for Patrice Evra. "Pat, son, c'mere! Have you heard'a Rumminegge?" Evra replies, "Boss! I've never heard a thing, honest!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inglez 0 Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) Andy Carroll is 6-1 to score tonight. If you don't understand betting that means that if you bet £10, you will lose £10 Edited January 25, 2012 by Inglez Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chronic the Drug Wasp 6 Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 A lorry full of terrapins has shed its load in Ashington. Police say it's turtle chaos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TicTacWoe 0 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Muamba woke up to the news that Torres has scored two goals and exclaimed "fuck me, how many years have I been unconscious for!?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 You know its getting bad when Fab Muamba is walking around the hospital with a Pray For Kenny t-shirt on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 A massive scouser, shaven-headed, muscles on his muscles, tattoos on his tattoos, is sitting in Liverpool's roughest pub having a pint, when in comes a slender, camp, smartly dressed man. The man sits next to the scouser, orders an appletini, and then turns to the scouser and says "Hello sailor. How about meeting me round the back for a blow-job?" At this, the scouser promptly flies into a furious rage. He picks up the other man, runs him head first all along the bar, drops him to the floor and then pummels him relentlessly for five whole minutes, before throwing him out onto the street. "Jesus Terry" said the barman "What did that poor fella say to you? "Dunno" the scouser replied "Something about a job" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27009 Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 30 years since the falklands conflict & that lucky bastard Simon Weston doesn't look a day older. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 30 years since the falklands conflict & that lucky bastard Simon Weston doesn't look a day older. Just burst out laughing walking down the street! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6308 Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Anyone got the number for Oxfam? I've just got had my water bill through and I've heard they can supply an entire family with water for just £2 a month... I'm swapping suppliers!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6308 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I think I may have misunderstood my boss when she told me that she loved seeing me hard at work....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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