I've explained before how this could easily be tackled using an AV system. It would be very unlikely for no deal to win under that scenario because 90% of remainers would vote May deal as second choice over no deal. Btw, the NoT mayoral referendum is an example of what I'm talking about, it would be simpler still with 3 options.
I think there is a strong logical case for not having no deal on the ballot though. First is, the EU may not grant an extension if this is an option. But more importantly, it breaks the GFA. Should the electorate be allowed to force the government to break an international agreement and possibly start another war, without the consent of the Irish themselves? I really don't see how anybody can say yes to this, other than the lunatic fringe.