Ayatollah Hermione

Is it Micky Sweet?

Fuck me, I’ve got the golden touch

Man United are exposing Wolves as the average chancers that they are here and I’m over the moon.

They clearly don’t learn from any past mistakes so I can believe it.

Rafa said it would be a miracle to stay up off the back of a summer with no money spent. Bruce has had 70 million, what’s his excuse?

Spurs will be the kind of side who’ll score 3 or 4 and then ease off. It’s Man City who will get double figures.

I’m actually pissed off that Shelvey scored. That’ll justify him swanning about at walking pace, doing fuck all in the way of actual defending or graft. Can’t wait for a full season of him fucking about with absolutely no discipline to speak of.

Actually, it seems like it’s an embarrassing new rule. Carry on but that’s a rule that seems invented to give VAR a reason to exist. What a load of shit

Anyone still wanting to defend this iteration of VAR with that handball decision?

Saying he clearly needs time to adapt isn’t slagging him off, it’s the truth. At a well-run club, he’d be behind Rondon as he gets up to speed. Not chucked in immediately and asked to recoup 12 goals in his first season.

Joelinton needs time to adapt and it’s a luxury we absolutely can’t afford. It’s Mitrovic all over again where we’re asking a young kid to lead the line in his first season in England. Complete madness.

I'm betting on O11.5 mishit Hollywood passes from Shelvey.

Keown is an absolutely unbelievable gobshite. He’s spent all game praising Ceballos, Willock and Cousin It in Arsenal’s midfield. Torreria comes on, hits one shot and he’s asking why he isn’t starting that’s some packed midfield he’s wanting them to play.

I had one of those and aye, nightmare. Even more so when the Skype call hitched and you have to repeat everything twice. Did get to use a true power move of wearing a shirt and tie with a pair of Sondico shorts because he could only see my top half.

Heads down, lads. We’re about to get told off by Sister Assumpta

I can see our plan being to sit back and then hit them on the counter in the massive gaps they leave behind when we should be pressing them high up and forcing them into mistakes like Liverpool did. So, to cap it all off, we’ll probably concede early, Chase the game and end up getting picked off ourselves. Yippee

A bit more choke and it'll start.

The puppy in John Wick is very cute. Hope nothing happens to it.

Aye Thick, gullible shite. How’s the new shirt fitting you? As for Bruce and Willems, a cursory glance shows that Willems played two games in central midfield last year, one of which saw him hauled off after 37 minutes. Bruce is a total bullshit artist, nobody believes he has any say except him.

Adrian was about a yard off his line for saving that pen last night Another roaring VAR success.

Not think we might have had more depth if he’d invested in a decent academy like? it’s a problem all of his own doing, you tit

He’s that thick, he thinks this is a bad thing

Fair enough Shelvey had a knock but to take your second central midfielder off with no replacements is lunacy. We even saw the return of the floated set-piece to the back post. Pure Pardew.

Aye, right. I'm just amazed they fucked it up on the first attempt.

If, in their first season, they were promoted and not, for instance, lumbered in the league after conceding a last minute goal to Charlton in heartbreaking circumstances, then it's fine to say that you weren't a League One side. Just simply passing through, much like us whenever we conspire to tumble into the Championship. Into your second season in the league, when you still can't win games, you are definitely a League One side.