Kitman

Qantas has a very bad rep here in NZ. Plus bits have fallen off their arcraft on a regular basis over the last 3 years. I was once coming back from Melbourne and they delayed the plane for 4 hours; their attitude was basically "fuck off and find something to do, we'll call you when we're ready". As it happens the delay was due to a passenger taking ill (apparently) but they didn't give a shit about the passengers left wondering when they'd get home, it was like flying with a hyper expensive Ryan Air. I wouldn't fly with them again if I can help it.

I can get by in French

I think we're getting away from the important point. If Catmag didn't turn Leazes in, who did? The game's afoot, Watson....

Top bloke. I wish he was typical, celebs are arseholes by and large.

Why did you fly to Stansted for Cardiff? Oddest travel decision i have ever come across. That and flying on the wing. special "outer cabin"rate from RyanAir - but you pay a few quid extra for the view not to mention you can shit yourself for nowt out there. Wiping might be a challenge. You'd not want a wing view inside the plane either......

I suppose it depends whether you think they got their money's worth from that lot, given the transfer fee. Whether it's a canny buy depends on their worth to the team and the re-sale value I'd say. Edit: and the cost to get them in the first place obviously

Legear? Sounds like a French drug dealer....

woop de doo !

The best solution is to get "a little helper" from the doctor beforehand and supplement it with liberal amounts of alcohol when you take off. Then sleep it off throughout the flight. Unless of course you're one of those radgies that transforms into a drug fuelled raging lunatic and tries to take their trousers off, light a tab and fight everyone. If the plane crashes in the sea, you'll stand no chance of making it out alive if you're comatose. But then you'd probably die anyway as some overweight businessmen in First Class and the crew will have deployed the escape chute already and made off with the life rafts.

He'll still whinge about being down to the "bare bones" to somebody in the press though.

or just Five past Sunderland?

Haha never a truer word spoken! Plainly it's supernatural. I think the answer is to go to bed with two fit women every night. The evil dead would be guaranteed to go for the totty, especially if they have big tits and have had sex with you all night. This would leave you free to either enjoy a trouble free sleep while they battle it out or leg it down the road, depending on the severity of the attack. Sorted. I like this suggestion... i'll print it off and give it to the wife to see what she thinks... I mean she can't exactly say no now can she seeing as its to protect me! To make sure she's safe too I better now count her as one of the 2 women in bed with me, also do you think that if she lezzes the other 2 out whilst I record it it'll keep the demons away? Definitely. Ideally the 2 women would be Swedish, the demons would really hate that. As a rule the more women you have in there with you, the safer you'll be. Ideally you'd be surrounded by women like Jimi Hendrix on the cover of 'Are you Experienced'. If your wife really loved you, she'd arrange this for you. Continuously playing hard core porn on a 32" HD screen fixed prominently to the bedroom wall would be a less effective alternative. I'd keep that as a back up plan in the unlikely event she won't go for the Swedes.

My God, what a team. Be interesting to put a figure on how much we paid for that useless shower of shit. I'd be tempted to put Hugo Viana in for Barnes on the basis he cost quite a few million whereas I think Barnes was on a free.

It may be harsh on Barnes but his arms moved faster than his legs when he played for us !!!

This story sounds like horse shit to me.

Stevie, your team has no right back. So I would put Bez ahead of Bernard as in the OP. Right back's probably been our weakest position for years thinking about it.

Dawn of another day in NZ. And what a beautiful sweet day it is !

Blackburn are in the bottom 3, but it won't be Allardyce's fault.

Haha never a truer word spoken! Plainly it's supernatural. I think the answer is to go to bed with two fit women every night. The evil dead would be guaranteed to go for the totty, especially if they have big tits and have had sex with you all night. This would leave you free to either enjoy a trouble free sleep while they battle it out or leg it down the road, depending on the severity of the attack. Sorted.

It's not an arse, it's a shelf

The whispering was probably your neighbour with the clock radio on too loud. I would flick some dog shit over the fence at their washing to show them you won't be trifled with. The bastards.

Sounds like it's not going to be our night. I hate the carling cup.

I'd say from memory i've never had sleep parlaysis after a heavy night drinking. I think thats because I pass out and am pretty much unconscious when pissed... its more light and restless sleep that triggers it I think. I'd be tempted to hit the sleeping pills, booze or spliff of a night if I had the thing with the bright lights and radio to look forward to in the morning. For medicinal purposes only of course Hah luckily it doesnt happen all that often... kind of comes in waves of a few in quick sucession and then nothing for months. Sounds more like public transport. You don't sleep in a bus depot do you, that would explain the bright lights, radio and shadowy moving figures......

I bet the octopus didn't see that coming