David Kelly

For most of the season we've been playing against fully motivated teams. Chances are that only motivation either of us are up against now is Pardew wanting to put one over on us. I agree with what you're saying but I think at this stage of the season motivation can produce strange results.

I can see the mackems getting six or more from a considerably less than motivated Stoke, Everton and Watford. Our best bet might be to put five past Palace thus giving a 10 goal swing in goal difference and hope they lose their last two and we win ours and in doing so get a further eight goal swing so they finish beneath us on goal difference (or even better goals scored).

Is it still hanging in your wine cellar?

You heartless bastard.

Aye I think killing her boyfriend would be the first step on the road to recovery for that French lass.

Fucks sake Cath, you shouldn't be getting the poor lads hopes up like that.

But you did offer to marry her before you found out she was lying right?

I wouldn't call that harsh on him.

Of course not but unlike the likes of Villa, Stoke, Everton & Watford, it gives them something to still play for.

Aye I thought that. I know people say alcoholism is a disease but with some of them, alcohol was just a crutch because they couldn't handle what their life was. Their crutch could have just as easily been something else.

Just hope they don't need to beat us to stay above Arsenal now. Really we need Arsenal and Liecester to win at the weekend and Spurs to be Chelsea Monday.

Jesus I thought Kirk died years ago (and I don't mean on the bridge of the Enterprise). He's looking 100 if he's a day mind.

I'm sensing some experience in this area Rayvin? I'm definitely using that one as a last resort should the need arise mind.

I think Theroux felt the same way.

[emoji1] cushions never make you more comfortable though really. First thing you do is move them out of the way.

I felt really sorry for the lass especially having that cunt for a boyfriend. The guy who had to have his stomach drained seemed like a complete lost cause. The younger kid just needed to man up.

I Fucking hope not. I like to keep Sunday's for watching sport.

Worst thing you can do is to stop together just for the sake of the bairn. I know that from experience. And if you think she'll still be taking it up bournville boulevard once married you're living in a dreamland.

I thought they looked threatening yesterday. Arsenal were poor, Ozil was non existent, Giroud shite and their defence looked weak and slow through the middle but the tramps were putting them under preasure. They looked at least as likely to score as Arsenal did.

I've gone to work on a Monday morning in worse states than that jessie. The others on there had serious problems (which I'm quite certain will result in at least one death) but he'd just been dumped off the most beautiful girl in the world. Fuck me, imagine what he'd do if he was Holden!

Whatever you do, don't listen to shite like this. If someone is standing outside your gaff tonight with a shotgun you know it was actually Gloomy's daughter you were violating up the bum! Sounds like my worst nightmare. I had to take a lass for a morning after pill a while back. Not my finest Sunday!

But penfold is idiotic. That's exactly why I'm expecting it.

Anyone watch that Louis Theroux thing on alcoholics last night? I don't mean to make light of what is a horrible disease for some people, but the kid in his thirty's just needed to man up. He never usually drank then every couple of years got absolutely fucked up. It looked just the same as what happens when I go away with the lads. Get yourself a bottle of orange lucozade and a greggs sausage roll and you'll be fine you big girl.

I've rewatched them all and been rereading the third book again recently. Because it's almost all new material to me again now it's been the most anticipated season for me since the third. Really looking forward to the next couple of episodes after this one.