Monkeys Fist

Since you’re 18, here’s your birthday tit pic. Bit late, but that’s your Dad’s fault for banging your Mam 9 months before Christmas

I like how their profile pic is the silhouette of an empty hotel

Your very own caviar! Nice one mate. … so, err… does this mean you’ve got a girlfriend?

Merry Christmas, you unholy pack of reprobates.

It’s been a while since a shock music star death. I’ll go for Jimmy Page, in the Parlour, with the 14yr old groupie.

I reckon Andy has a very specific part of the wall in mind

The best thing is, the more they bang on about how much they love The Donald and Charlie, the more vitriolic their hatred for them will be when it all, inevitably, turns to shit. They’ve got form

Aye, but, as Strawb says, his lass had some cracking bangers!

Your catnip worked. See above.

Solomon Eisberg? So, in my youth, I pulled this model, spent the night at her place. Came down to breakfast, to find her staring intently at the juice. I asked if she was ok, and she said, “ It says ‘concentrate’ on the label”

Hope they’ve stocked up on bog roll.

Have you got a blue passport? Apparantly they’re worth 10 extra somethings. ( Seriously though, what a kick in the knackers, if your job goes, and you have to leave, do you get any help relocating?)

That fucking sucks. Will it affect your ability to stay in NZ?

I wrestled with my conscience for several seconds before posting that, mind.

If it comes down to a Cunt-Off, the Tories will romp home.

Why have Germany never won an athletics Olympic gold? No matter how hard they try, they just can’t seen to finish a race.

Well there’s a shock.

Why the fuck would he break the habits of a lifetime and start thinking now?

He’d probably do it if you paid him enough

When you’re scraping round for a few quid to keep your kid in pencils for his class with the gay lisp teacher, give me a bell, I’ll see if I can help you out. Oh, hang on, no I won’t, because fuck you.

http//www.stupidcuntbelievesanythingrightwingownedmediatellshim Ding dong.

Our erstwhile Tory fucknut will sharp be in panic mode when the shops run out of duck fucking pizza. Whether that happens before his income source goes for a burton is up for debate, but either way, there’ll be Deliverance style squealing from Boldon when the reality of what the stupid fuck voted for hits home.