Leaderboard

That Corbyn though, fuck me, he's dangerous.

I'll lend it you after I get over this if you like.

Didn’t have a thermometer, used a thermos flask instead. Can’t sit down now.

Yep. This crisis is bringing out the worst in people. 40 years of thatcherism (excepting 1998 to 2010 ). Tbf I think it's the same everywhere.

If you’d all sign up to my private snapchat, Fist Fist’s Fistula, I’ll be offering the following from next week.… Man Boob Mondays - £20 for 10 minutes of private mammary manipulation. Wank Off Wednesday -£50 a pop, very limited availability, get in quick… I mean really quick. Fat Cunt Friday - £10 free for all, last man standing gets the biscuit. Cheers lads, in these trying times I’m sure we’ll all come together in the spirit of …blah blah.

Thats the thing without the South Korea mass testing programme - people might get quite ill with a normal cold or even a flu and think they've had it only to get the real deal later on. Conversely they might deal with it quite well but not realise and keep being wary for another year. Among all the debate about strategies etc I think its the lack of testing I distrust the most.

My stepsister, a doctor, married to an infectious diseases consultant, reckons we are well prepared for this compared to other countries. No sense from her that retired doctors will be needed. A&E apparently quiet for now as most people stay away. Routine work and elective surgeries will be cancelled so all hands will be on deck when the shit hits the fan. We should be better placed to cope than those countries with fragmented, privatised healthcare, she says. Sounds like a huge national effort is underway and it was quite comforting speaking to her.

Btw, these tory cunts can't wait to get rid of TUPE rights next year. Just watch, the usual idiots will lap up the loss of the average persons rights too.

Pubs are our version of the second amendment

They're doing what they do, procrastinating and passing the buck. Its pathetic.

Couldn't wait for that rectal thermometer, eh?

I'm dirty cash, the one that you asked for I'm wanted by the rich and the poor More and more, you just can't reject it You're the junkie and I inject it Into your blood stream, it's like a bad dream Money's the theme, do you know what I mean Did you just rap that back at him? Cos you missed a trick of you didn't.

You can have Shaznay while I work on melting Plastic Polly.

If I had to go through him to get to the other three, I’d take that.

That's because he's had them executed

Vine is an utter bell end

I think Caprice posts on here under a couple of pseudonyms

My favourite.

I'm beginning to feel shit. I think I've got a fever and so far just a slight cough, but also a bit short of breath. Same symptoms as my colleague got last Monday, she's still ill. Could be psychosomatic I guess. I cant measure my temperature as everywhere is sold out of thermometers, and of course there is no testing for this thing unless you get admitted to hospital. Going to go home, have a lie down, and reassess tomorrow.

My mother lives 350 miles away from me (and my bro) so not much chance we can pass anything on. I feel for people dying alone when they start dying in isolation though - which seemingly will happen when the numbers ramp up. No-one deserves that.

You're not suggesting that the fuckin crapping bastard is fuckin crapping it are you?... What a completely unexpected surprise

The wife's disabled, she usually does an online shop once a week from Sainsburys and sometimes Asda and I usually pop up to Sainsbury's of wherever getting bits and bobs that we've forgot or bits from elsewhere. Asda and Sainsbury's online shopping booked out for three weeks. So if you're disabled or would struggle to get out to shop and you have nobody to help you or do your shop you're fucked because a few more people can't be arsed to shop in person or think they'll beat the queue, whatever? If they expect the vulnerable and elderly to self isolate is their going to be any plans in place to actually feed and water them as well as making they're getting their medication etc? A plan and an explanation might be a bit reassuring if it's not too much trouble from our betters in government?

Johnson has wanted to be Winston Churchill all his life. Now he has the chance I bet he is fucking hating his life.

At least the Russians are treating Eurovision with the seriousness it merits.

According to reports the attempts were rebuffed by the majority investor. That’s Dietmar Hopp the de facto owner of Hoffenheim who is hated by a large number of football fans. Trump wanted to secure the vaccine exclusively for the US while Hopp said it’s something that has to be available to the whole world as soon as possible.

Like I said earlier, they’re issuing edicts with hugely vague conditions, making it very easy for Joe Public to be screwed over. Colour me surprised.

Fuck all. A load of people I know who are gigging, local musicians are already having gigs cancelled and have no income coming in.

Yes but you need Einsteins IQ and a twisted brain to get anywhere near understanding it. Some nice lasses though.

CT nodding so much at that point his neck probably snapped.

His best bit was about the UK leading an international effort to fight the virus and to mitigate the economic effects - absolutely no evidence offered. Also the economy is in much better shape to handle this than it was in 2008 - you fucking what?

Yeah I had mine in the autumn too...there's zero fuckin clarity..what a fuckin mess..

I think they're saying if you are in a high risk group that qualifies you to have a flu jab (that includes being over 70), you should get it now if you haven't already? You can get these viruses concomitantly which could well be fatal. That said, flu season is almost over. I had mine in October.

That would’ve been my preference

Or the Corrs, including the lad.

My folks are in their 70s but my sister lives with them, she works with patients though as an OT so good news on the shopping front, not so good for chances of passing anything on. I'm a bit wary of visiting in case I pass anything on and one of my daughters has just started working at a pharmacy so thinking it's only a matter of time before we get it so want to keep my distance from my mam and dad. It's shit.

Can you imagine Churchill during the Blitz saying 'Yes, millions of you will die' Fuck me. He's more like Chruchill the fucking dog the floppy haired cunt.

Chronicled YP

'Balou' = He only ever did the bare necessities at work. 'Redbull' = ironically called because it's full of energy and he err, wasn't. 'New Kid' = Had been at the place for 30 years but kept getting moved shifts, different departments etc by managers because he was always too busy chewing the fat with everyone rather than doing his job. 'Turkish delight' = A lad who ended up going to NUFC games with the gaffer and up his arse a bit. Why Turkish delight? The gaffer's name was Easton. The kid was full of eastern promise. 'The eye of Sauron' = This kid misses fuck all and knows the exact time you went for a break and when you got back. Probably a few more but that's off the top of my head.

Wanker.