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I think I'm going to end every sentence with "...& of course the Genocide" from now on. Love the way he drops it in there. "My favourite teams? Newcastle, Mainz, Norrköping, Stenhousemuir & of course the Genocide." "I'll have the lamb jalfrezi, pilau rice, garlic naan & of course the Genocide."

Today I was eating at home with my father. We watched the first half of the game together in the living room (where I have a TV with the station to watch football) and, at half-time, we went to eat in the kitchen. I took a little longer than the 15 minute break, so when I returned to the room, we were already losing 1-3. My father, meanwhile, has been left washing the dirty dishes. Good. Well, around the 70th minute, more or less, he went to see how the game was going. He has seen that 1-3 and has gotten a little lost... But no. He came back every 2-3 minutes to see how we were doing and every time he came we scored. In the end, he has left the kitchen half-cleaned and has come to watch the final minutes, just to check Barnes' last arrow. Yes friends. My father is already a Newcastle fan.

"Why don't we have threads dissing U12 girls teams winning the league against boys, Reg?" "Because why would we? We're a football board having a laugh, taking the piss, talking about football. Leave it to RTG for that shite " "Don't oppress me! It's my right as a man to discuss U12 girls teams!" "I'm not oppressing you, but you're not an MLF?" "I want to be one." "What?!" "I want to be an MLF and talk shite about U12 girls teams." "But why? You're a Mag on a NUFC forum, we don't do that shite?" "Why don't we agree that CT, as a man from boldon, has the right to talk shite about U12 girls especially as he's dangerously close to Sunderland even though he's a Mag on a NUFC forum." "But what's the point?" "I want to invest in crypto currency as well!"

“Mission accomplished agent Shearer, getting yet another chomp from a spreadsheet dude, return to base, this is Luddite red leader, over and out”

"This Exile 1968 character knows too much about our match fixing and is also a threat if he puts his football boots back on. Arrange either a car 'accident' with faulty breaks or get the lad who did Gazza's knee in Walkers to come out of retirement and finally put and end to Exile 1968's football career. We can't let this existential threat linger on for much longer."

Do you mean the Guggenheim in Bilbao marra? More proof of the relationship between the cities marra. Anyway, the moron Skylon has a new "insult" for us amongst his inane lies. Newcamel. I mean, if he's really clever he can call us "Poocamel". Chortle.

"Hello Geordie, what do you have to say?" "here, ah dinnit think Steyve did a bad job for them, ah meayn us, marra, ah meayn wor kid. Yi na them, I meayn us mags, wuh expect too much, and hound managers out, and wuh definitely have an infeereeoritey complex when it comes to sun'lin - who Steyve was absolooteley woeful for, marra, ah mean wor kid. And let's not forget, the genocide."

Commentators talking about how good Schär is as the camera pans to him on the pitch as he's chatting away to the Spurs forward.... "I am terribly sorry, my friend, were you thinking of getting past me? Don't mind me as I just move past you with ease and play in our terrific blonde, Liverpudlian urchin fellow on the wing. Ciao."

lol Liverpool

You usually get called by them from birth or thereabouts 👍🏻

I see Mike Ashley has failed in his attempt to stop us having an exclusive kit deal with JD Sports. So sad.

Like clockwork

As well as all the clear benefits this win gives us re. League position, GD, confidence etc, let’s not forget how pissed off Andrew will be at having to start another match thread.

Not sure what my favourite part of Ballard's performance was against us. Was it the fact he should have been sent off for dragging Isak down? Was it for giving away a penalty? Was it for scoring an own goal? For me it was him claiming offside:

😬😬😬

Gemmill Gemmitt Demmitt Dummitt Dummett

Or EMIL KRAFTH has. It's always the ones you least suspect.

I like how he’s just invented these scenarios and then convinced himself it’s just a matter of time until it’s uncovered with massive ramifications. I suppose it’s a bit like convincing yourself you used to be as good at football as one of the best midfielders in the premier league.

Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: Will you do it? The Jackal: Yes. Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: How much? The Jackal: You must understand that this is a once-in-a-lifetime job, whoever kills Exile can never work again... Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: How much do you want? The Jackal: Half a million. Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: What? The Jackal: Half in advance, half on completion. Shady Tyneside Cabal Member: Half a million pounds? The Jackal: No, containers of cheesy chips and bottles of blue pop.

"Ye Gods, the man is out of control! We need to silence him quicker than originally anticipated. He's a dangerous, loose cannon who knows the real truth. Is the 'Jackal' still alive and taking on work?"

I’ve always wondered which of the following they consider to be the classiest? 1- Glassing your chairman when he’s out for a meal with his wife. 2- Racially abusing your striker’s mother 3- Shitting all over your stadium and village. Maybe it’s a cumulative thing?

He was just waving back at Ballard

I love their misplaced theory that they are super fans and don’t whinge. They literally hound out every manager they appoint and have the most toxic home ground in the entire English leagues.

mackems getting beat 2-0 at home to Blackburn. They really need to bring on Excile to turn the game around 😂

Exile claims to be a better football player than Bruno.

Some highlights.

Man who negotiates contract for a living complains about the contract he negotiated. Boris Johnsonesque.

So, had confirmation from MoD that DNA comparison is positive, we've found my Great Uncle Gordon, remains recovery site shown below in red circle (now a major hospital). Next will be his interment service, full military honours etc. Likely next year 110 years to the day after he was killed.

Orkward situation

I heard he was allergic to the 5G that Bill Gates put in the “inoculation “. The more you know … … and, of course, the Genocide

Thought it was another really good performance from Anderson. He seems more of a physical presence than last season and I’ve been impressed with his energy on top of the technical ability he’s previously shown. I think midfield is his best position

They'd sing Jimmy Savile's name if he was getting them 10 goals a season. There'd also be way more dickheads turning up to the match dressed as sheikhs if they got bought out by the Saudis. Being too classy for owners that will never want them is all they've got left.

Desperate Dan Desperate Man

Adam Pearson is an AI generated visualisation of what goes on in Steve Wraith's head and no one can convince me otherwise.

Was having a fairly shit morning, logged in here, read this and had my first proper laugh of the day. Cheers mate

Marrowfat 🤝 Marra fat

An southern Englishman is living in Ireland and whenever he hears about 'the little people' and other such tales he politely smiles but grimaces a bit inside. One day he sees an advert in his local paper offering a talking dog for sale, price €20 to a good home. The Englishman shakes his head then sees the address is just around the corner. Smiling to himself he thinks he'll pop along as he's not busy and call the seller's bluff. He knocks on the door and asks if this is the right address for the talking dog. Irishman: "Yes it certainly is, sir, he's in the backyard." The Irishman takes him to a pokey backyard with a small kennel and a bored looking dog just lying there. The Englishman smiles and addresses the dog.... Englishman: "So you must be the talking dog I've heard about?" Straight away the dog looks up and says, "Aye, that's me, mate.' Flabbergasted the man looks around for trick microphones but doesn't see any. The Irishman says he'll leave him for ten minutes so he can chat privately with the dog. Englishman: "How the hell did you learn to talk?" The dog replies, "Well, I've no idea really, I must've just picked it up as a pup listening to my owners. Englishman: "What did your owners think?" Dog: "Well they were a bit unsure what to do so took me to the Garda for their opinion. The Garda offered to take me off their hands and look after and train me so I ended up working at Dublin airport, eavesdropping on potential terrorists and drug smugglers and letting the garda know." Englishman: "That's amazing!" Dog: "One day my handler said that the CIA had heard about me and paid the Garda four million dollars for my services so I ended up in the whitehouse and Camp David just moping around like a regular dog but eavesdropping on any foreign diplomats like the Russians. Obviously they taught me the language so I spoke fluent russian as well as English. They'd let their guard down and chat about their plans and intentions and I'd tell my CIA handler at a daily debrief." Englishman: "Wow, that's amazing!" Dog: "It was a pretty good life I have to say, they bought me an amazing condo kennel with a little pool outside, I ended up hooking up with a showbusiness dog who was playing lassie and I had the best grub you could eat." Englishman: "So what are you doing here?" Dog: "Ah, you know how it is, I got a bit bored and homesick so after a couple of years of good service they arranged for me to come back home. The man who lives here picked me up at the Dublin cat and dog shelter." At that moment the man came back in the yard and the Englishman can't help himself.. Englishman: "Good god, man! Why on earth are you selling a dog like this for only €20?!" The Irishman replies, "Sure he's a lying cunt, he never did any of that shit."