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If they declare this season null and void and Liverpool’s efforts are struck from the record, I will never stop laughing.

Elite football and Scottish football both suspended.

“ Nice one Peloton, you crrrrushed it!” ( that advert makes my fucking teeth itch.)

On the plus side Ashley will be issuing j69 a £0 refund for the full cost of his ticket.

This could wipe out top level cycling given how many of them struggle so badly with asthma.

Joelinton has been self isolating all season anyway

It's been said before, but it took something really bad to draw attention away from that kids barnet

Just had a letter from my daughters school saying, Checked the govt. site and it seems that they have, indeed, changed their minds, you don’t need to lock yourself away for 14 days after returning from Lurgyville, just wash your hands, sing a song, tum tee tum, lovely weather, isn’t it? Someone showed them the cost of doing it properly on Wednesday night, didn’t they?

Come on coronavirus lets be having you

Bolsonaro has tested positive after having dinner with Trump. If of these fuckers died from it I might start believing in God again.

The method seems to be to acknowledge that people are too stupid to shut themselves away longer term. How about we have separate advice for the intelligent that can see beyond being a bit bored in the house.

If there’s anyone acutely aware of the effects of HIV it’s an 80 year old virgin.

* Sets VPN to Italy *

If he’s reliant on gate receipts he’s already fucked.

"Couldn't do 7 days, went out on day 4 and group hugged all at Slimming world instead then coughed all over the pub carvery on day 5, limited my coughing to people on pub night for day 6."

NUFC still in the FA Cup in april

Fair enough, let's not bother coming up with a new plan when we have an old one on the shelf from nearly ten years ago for a different illness and ignore the fact that this illness is much more contagious and deadly.

Clean as a whistle.

The major supermarkets have introduced purchase limits to combat the Bog Roll Bandits. All below are per person limits. Asda - 2 bottles Hand Sanitizer, 24 toilet rolls. Tesco- 2 bottles Hand Sanitizer, 18 toilet rolls, 2kg dried pasta Sainsburys- 3 bottles Hand Sanitizer, 12 toilet rolls, 1kg rice or quinoa. Lidl - 2 bottles Hand Sanitizer, 1 Trumpet, 1 Diving suit or MIG welder.

not sure if there's already a thread for this? a lot of what gets said seems to get buried in who it applies to, so just in case it deserves a slot of its own... according to the mag, craig hope has upset the fat lad, take your pick on whether that's ashley or bruce or some hideous, grotesque amalgamation of the pair of thems cholesterol. https://www.themag.co.uk/2020/03/mike-ashley-bans-reporter-due-to-negative-newcastle-united-coverage/

Just watch where you step…

Use your forehead.

And don't forget a germophobe. He will be shitting himself.

Where are ya? Hic

"Guys! Guys! I think this is the time we can finally say I've got the hang of this dieting lark! I've lost almost a stone in less than a week! It's the closest I've been to fitting in 32" jeans in 30 years! It's called the 'Corona diet!......Guys, Guys! Where you going?"

I hope all the players return back about 2 stone heavier. You won’t see the difference with Danny Rose, like.

I'm going to take financial advantage of this long period of no football. Just spent my savings on pornhub shares.

“I’ll be fine as I don’t even drink Corona.”

Bet Steve Bruce has filled his double garage with Walkers.

With our training ground closed and the players getting instructions to train at home it’s probably an improvement.

Looks like a contagion chain to me.

So you keep schools open with a skeleton staff to look after the kids of key workers. It's not rocket science.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

We should hold a referendum to see what The People want to do. That’ll work.

I went through that several times in my head and still managed to fuck it up.

I’ll ask the au pair.

Got to be lasagne, shirley?

Didn't envisage j69 going against popular opinion

Fat little cunt

It’s extremely British of them to base the entire response to this on the certain, immutable fact that after a few days of isolation most Brits will say “ Fuck this- pub time”

He was putting it away as he entered the park, he's not a monster.

Fuck you, all our lifts are in full working order I’ll have you know.

The player said he felt fit - hardly the same. Bruce got slated for playing ASM after his hamsting issue. Now he's getting slated for not playing him. There isnt a manager in the world that wouldnt pick him out of our lot. Think about it. It was 100% the press shit stiring. Notice the article was taken down after their jorno said they didnt say there was a falling out. Is player not happy with not being picked a story?