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"Why don't we have threads dissing U12 girls teams winning the league against boys, Reg?" "Because why would we? We're a football board having a laugh, taking the piss, talking about football. Leave it to RTG for that shite " "Don't oppress me! It's my right as a man to discuss U12 girls teams!" "I'm not oppressing you, but you're not an MLF?" "I want to be one." "What?!" "I want to be an MLF and talk shite about U12 girls teams." "But why? You're a Mag on a NUFC forum, we don't do that shite?" "Why don't we agree that CT, as a man from boldon, has the right to talk shite about U12 girls especially as he's dangerously close to Sunderland even though he's a Mag on a NUFC forum." "But what's the point?" "I want to invest in crypto currency as well!"

Or EMIL KRAFTH has. It's always the ones you least suspect.

Man who negotiates contract for a living complains about the contract he negotiated. Boris Johnsonesque.

So, had confirmation from MoD that DNA comparison is positive, we've found my Great Uncle Gordon, remains recovery site shown below in red circle (now a major hospital). Next will be his interment service, full military honours etc. Likely next year 110 years to the day after he was killed.

Orkward situation

Looks like Matt Ritchie is coming for MF's job. TBH if I had to chose one of our current players who seems like they'd enjoy murdering hookers and burying them in the woods then Ritchie is the first that springs to mind.

Difficult to see how Man Utd, Ratcliffe, Brailsford or, indeed, Ashworth could’ve handled this more clumsily. It’ll be amusing to see them try and negotiate transfers etc like this. Also, Ashworth could have knackered his career. Man Utd can’t afford to wait around for ever, I can’t see us budging and it’ll be difficult for other clubs to trust him to hang around long enough to see tangible results. Other clubs will no doubt show an interest but there won’t be many opportunities like the one he had here if Man Utd don’t get him

Was having a fairly shit morning, logged in here, read this and had my first proper laugh of the day. Cheers mate

Marrowfat 🤝 Marra fat

Either you’re a MASSIVE liar or you’ve had a ‘holiday’ to Turkey in the last ten years.

Ratcliffe massively overpaid for a minority share in the club but is baulking at pay £15m for the man he sees as integral to the success of that purchase? How the fuck did this man become a billionaire? There's a touch of the Mike Ashleys about him.

I think when he first lay down he was 100% confident he could do the worm.

Saw someone on Twitter refer to this match as the White Lives Matter derby

Arafat.

The lass that had an affair with David Beckham and wanked off a pig? They hand out degrees for any old shite these days.

Wor lass came home tonight. 'have you heard of the overlap? Gary Neville does an interview with Gordon. It's superb. He's so cute' Wtt!!!!

Imagine calling someone a whopper on the internet and paying for twitter at the same time

He’ll double up as conditioning coach

I just use our nick name, Poocamel.

This is like two threads in one. I, personally, am enjoying the Carol Vorderman chat much more than the VAR chat. Can the mods please employ some technical wizardry to split this into two threads so us middle aged desperados know which thread to spend our time in?

I'm well into Vorders these days. She looks like a walking sex doll and basically sounds like she's up for owt. Plus she fucking hates the Tories.

If we're going with 30 seconds, they absolutely have to play the Countdown music in the ground. Fans singing along and a brand new moment of celebration on the "boooooo" sound as the clock runs out.

Rents imagination as he's about to go out for a drive in his new, top of the range car..... "Stick it in my arse, rents babe, I love your new, top of the range car and it's making me horny for you."

I'm worries that this thread is a way of @thebrokendoll coming out as a Mackem. I am a bit thrown by this. Quick question to find out: Who founded Athletic Bilbao?

I say this every time I get a Whitley delivery run. If anyone is wondering why it’s impossible to get hold of a plumber, it’s because every fucking one of them is working in Whitley fucking Bay installing bathrooms for cunts. I delivered a bathroom set yesterday to some mid-30s couple. The lad opened the boxes to check for damages, and came upon what looked like a lampshade made of bottle green glass. “ What’s this?” he says to Mrs. “ The sink” He looked at me, and we had one of those silent conversation with eyebrows Him- “ Ffs!” Me - “ You let her pick without looking at it didn’t you?” Him- “Aye… baaaastard!” Me - “ Curb your enthusiasm gif”

Top of the range Audi A3, black edition. Tinted glass, black logos, sporty. I joked to the dealer it was a drug dealer car. Then I remembered he was black. He laughed, I am officially David Brent.

Well Queens Park Rangers do have a Queen in their name and the Queen used to live at the Palace, so yeah I can see how you did that 😂

Infiltrated by mysterious mag fans once again! Will it never end? Secretly drifting in and out when they know the MLF one punch hard cunts are visiting their relatives out of town. Damn you all!!

Aye, absolutely beautiful to see the wheels come flying off the Klopp farewell tour bus.

As if Salah and co stay on their feet if that happens to them! We know they don't and we know what happens next. Longstaff and NUFC don't have the fear factor that the likes of Klopp and Liverpool do. It's not corruption but it's an unconscious bias/fear that discriminates against the non-sky faves.

came for the poppadom story...stayed for the comments

This is how this place ends isn't it? Gemmmill "ooooh, me pace maker went on the blink again, had to get a new battery put in" NJS "Eeeeeh, I'm blind as a bat me, hope those new corneas work...." Alex "Aye, me knee replacement is top notch" Wykiki "'kin t'hell. Ave tha seen tha waiting list for t'hip relacement? Tory cunts" Etc. Old, decrepit, falling to bits. Using forum technology which the kids can't believe doesn't belong in Beamish, moaning about Tik Tok and FFP until space year 2050, then silence.

They reckon this Mitchell's mentor was the legendary Irish coach, Tim O'Tei.

Get them telt Howmanscargillheyman

And 350 of those are Quiff.

"Country roads, take me home" presumably a reference to the Home Counties destinations of most of the departing ManU fans

"I'm truly sorry father, I have no more tears to weep."

Well he can bloody well bugger off and live there then. Oh, shit! No, he can’t