Monkeys Fist

The Number of the Beast

Fist Jnr shouts downstairs at 8:30pm, " Daa--aad, can I show you something?" Me. " It's well past bedtime, FJ, go to sleep!" FJ " But dad, it's really good!" Me " Go to sleep!" *hear thump thump thump as son runs downstairs. " But look!" Ffs!

Abusive and threatening behaviour, right there

Getting sacked for over doing the Kamagra Did you have an unauthorised boner?

my favourite ever Viz cartoon, after much google-fu…

She'll remember.

Size of an elephant, you say? Whatever turns you on, Davide.

Cheers gents, and bonus points to the bog-trotting gypsy for Salma.

In your 12 years of posting here, is this your gayest moment? CT levels of camp.

Been there. Taking my two to the Ardeche for two weeks in a month, staying in a luxury mobile home air conditioned shed. My daughter is a proper copper-top, so she'll be spending the entire fortnight unable to pick anything up due to the ceaseless application of factor 50, whilst I expect Fist Jnr to break most of the inventory of the entire campsite within the first day or two. I'll be constantly reminded that I'm now a fully-fledged "old bastard" as I wistfully pass the many sites of my various debauched activities from 25yrs ago, greyer, less agile, and now shouting " Put it down!" Instead of "Put it back in!" Cant wait.

What size titties shall I post for you Dave?

The real question here is did he use a Gillette or a Wilkinson Sword razor? The public demand answers.

We should just call them all cunts, but I do see the hypocrisy.

How we doing, boys?

They're taking the fucking piss now. Brexit: 2018 Queen's Speech cancelled by government http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-40317814

All the alcohols!

Dear Jeremy Thank you for your letter and I'd like to assure you I will do my utmost to ignore the points you raised in it. Meanwhile, I want to remind you that I and my talent are getting on with the job of provideing a strong and stable government whilst we negotiate a good deal for rich folks on Brexit. Fuck the NHS Theresa May

It'll be the Magedia's fault.

This stuff will be on hundreds of renovated blocks. I've worked on several in Newcastle, Leeds and Glasgow which have the same stuff. Thats just renovated council blocks. I'd be willing to bet that loads of the new student accommodation blocks which have sprung up everywhere will be covered in it. There's going to be some massive retro-fitting programmes coming soon.

Helmut Kohl, 87. Brot Brun. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-40307918