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If it is then you’ve just breached the conditions of your release.

Ok I'll put you out of your misery. In 2009, Bob Wisheart, a Newcastle United fan from Longbenton was that sozzled after heavily drinking on the Sunday we got relegated at Villa park that he walked into the police station that used to be in Market Street and asked to be arrested to be put out of his NUFC related misery. Unfortunately Bob being a bit pissed combined with the police having no sense of humour ended up with Bob getting arrested for assaulting an officer. He got a short custodial sentence and whilst was in prison had this encounter, I'll leave the rest in Bob's words......"On my first day in Acklington HMP all bravado from my drunken encounter had disappeared and I was genuinely shitting it. I was put in my cell whilst the other prisoners were having their dinner and told I'd have a cell mate so just hoped my cell mate wouldn't be a total psycho. Anyway after dinner the door opened and in walked a six foot by six foot tattooed fucking monster. I said 'alright?' and tried to act cool but he just glowered at me till he heard the footsteps of the screws walking away and then said in a gravelly voice, 'Do you like games?' I replied 'What?' He said again, 'Do you like games?' but a little more louder and a bit more insistent. 'err, aye, I don't mind I suppose....' Then he interrupted me, 'Let's play mammys and daddys!' It was at this point that my heart sank and I thought I was in for a total beasting before he added, 'I'll be the mammy, you be the daddy.' I then thought, ok Bob, this mightn't be as bad as it could be, let's see what happens so I said 'ok then, if you want I'll be the daddy and you'll be mammy.' He then smiled before growling at me as I tried to smile back.....'Right, now that's settled come over here and start sucking mammy's cock'.

So you'll be coco's pops

Try washing them lol

All he wanted to do was talk about his beloved story about a NUFC fan going to jail because of relegation, I mean isn't that what playgrounds and forums are for?

Why won’t anyone answer his SIMPLE question?!

I was asking about the dog.

Does it have to sit or stand when you are wiping it?

Laters, lol

Marmite. Allegedley.

At least the dog shit here is more solid than the stuff in the recent match threads.

Going to be mental is, I think, what you meant

Coco’s pops picking up coco’s poops

I like dogs but there's as much chance of me starting up a 'Steve Bruce fan club' and giving new members a tin badge and signed photograph of bagpuss than there is of owning one. (Hopefully it won't shit all over your house).

Aye, but I’ll bet he doesn’t give the lads 6 days off and unlimited free delivery of Spicy Nik Naks. Amatuerish tbh, let’s not forget Brucey has been in football for a long time and seen it all.

Oozes, you say?

Well, that’s us told lads.

Spoken like a true 30 year old

They have history on this.

Makes a change from metaphorically tbf.

Should we move it to the Bruce thread?

I have had loads of dogs MF, not in that way. My current dog is a Border Terrier and she is in a different class to the others, as great as they all were. She doesn't need loads of exercise or attention, she is happy to do her own thing or be part of what is going on. She knows her own mind, is amusingly wilful and keenly intelligent. Cute as fuck without being a floof. Only downside is they can be a bit feisty and they do moult. Anyway, looks like you have no say in this so enjoy your mental bouncing spaghetti factory.

So it's not even new? Mate, you're so whipped.

I don’t understand the obsession with these designer cross breeds, get yourself a terrier Fist, a big dog in a little dog’s body - Westies, Scotties and Cairns don’t shed. They are perfectly happy to give affection then turn round and tell you to fuck off and treat you luke a cunt! For me pets are like kids, some people should have them but those that shouldn’t, should not be allowed anywhere them.

Fuck Right Off

Hum is a funny store, they were a bit of a chain 10-15 years ago, mainly doing dance CDs and terrible shit, now there is one store left in Sydney’s version of Camden Town and it still feels like weird to me. Nice to know they once sold a decent record. Fist I think I’ve got a digital copy of the original chill out somewhere in the downloads, I’ll flick it to you when I find it.

It’s also called fucking Coco. At least give me the minimal satisfaction of naming it Arsehole or Shithouse, or even just Zappa, but no, it’s a fucking Instagram influencer name. I am depressed.

I’ve been told we’re getting a black Labrador puppy when the house is all done up.... then there will be nobody on the planet left who don’t own a fuckin mutt

I’ve just been fucking Shanghaied in to agreeing to “view” a fucking dog. I am not a happy bunny- I am fundamentally opposed to pets, and yet I know that within a month, I will be ultimately responsible for picking up the rancid shite of a fucking animal I don’t want in any shape or form. FML.

Not wanting to spoil anyone’s day, but do your best not to imagine Denise and Steve getting down and dirty on a bed of Monster Munch and depression. 👍

No idea what’s being discussed now. Which is an improvement on talking about NUFC

He'll be working through his box sets man. "Ahl dee all the Monster Munch first."

Emil, is that you?

Tbf, a lot of the people in my social circles who used to complain about us not giving him a chance are now full converts to our side of the argument. I don't think he's done himself any favours, and it wouldn't surprise me if this was his final job tbh. It's been tragic.

TBF he’s maybe made the wise decision not to make the players worse.

So Ashley is repaying his ‘loyalty’

I just like the fact he's called Gammons 😂

Unfamiliar ground for Brewcey, because normally he's been peddled by now going by his previous jobs. Can quite believe he wants the bullet though, one last juicy payoff before he oozes off into retirement.

Are they Barking Spiders? Don’t worry, the Drop Bears will get ‘em.

Meanwhile, UKIP's candidate for London mayor is a bloke called Gammon - I shit thee not

Because his boss is a bigger cunt.

But that's enough about your wife.