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See how you fucking like it on your streets.

The Mail were treacherous cunts in WW2 and nothing has changed, a ruly despicable paper poisoning everything godd about this country. Johnson has just proved he's not practising what he's preaching if anything. Not surprising considering he boasted about shaking hands with coronavirus patients.

Alright Stevie. Did you catch the Arsenal game the other day?

Me and the wife do a 4 mile walk every night. Bored shitless the rest of the time. I hope none of you on here suffer in any way shape or form.

Schtevieeeeee

I’ve always thought this was an incredible photo.

The Morrisons on Shields Road?

Colombia if cocaine is a food

And here was me thinking you got all your info off Facebook

I’ll take that crazy and raise.

Sounds mint

See the supermarkets have started doing their "we are heroes" adverts.

Just come across this on Twitter...Scotland as a country didn’t have a lot of colour in 1979 but...

.

Alabama- she’s probably her own sister. Yank mackems.

You ever tried playing snooker without a ball?

Mind I'd fucking love McConnell to get it.

Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central, Shattered Dreams Parkway and Corona Avenue.

You don't understand. This lockdown is going to destroy entire families and I'm going to be there to mop up the pieces/console all these lonely MILFS

Cole, Shearer, Sir Les, Bellamy, Joselu

2 weeks, to be sure, to be sure?

And you just have to think of the eligible bachelors like myself. Once this ban is lifted, I'll have my pick of the new divorcees and you had better believe I'm going to take advantage of it.

Ooo err!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is London

I've Got A Brand New Combine Harvester?

I was working through the bands in alphabetical order

Please let it be the Wurzels

It feels like it’s Coldplay

Can you get it by guzzling semen? (Asking for a Scottish political reporter)

FYP

WELL FUCK OFF THEN

Managed to split the back of my head on a door this morning. I was in Lewisham hospital A&E getting glued back together again when the news came through of Johnson having coronavirus. The staff there were delighted that he had it! I hate the cunt as much as the next man, but the NHS staff seem to despise him. Still, it gave them a welcome boost in what must be terrible times for them. At least he’s doing something for their morale.

Your dad reckons I'll hear Snoop Dogg before I see the car.

Look out for the Blue Nissan Note beeping outside your window homie.

I'm fixin to get spangled this evening. Your mam, dad and sister are picking me up shortly. Your dad reckons he knows a good dealer, so hopes are high.

I can show you one man who doesn’t think much of the ‘advice’.