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I don’t want to talk about drinking after my lockdown habits. My recycling bin looks like Leeds festival

CT Towers this morning...

Wonder how they’d feel if the useless cunt replaced Klopp at Liverpool or the little bridge troll at Manchester United.

Trump landing after his deflating Tulsa rally

Mrs Waddle: "Ronny! You're my last hope! Can you help me? Chris must've taken some vow of silence as he's never uttered a word for months. It's driving us round the bend. Can you get him to open up or something? I've asked him what he wants for his tea but he's just blanking us!" Ronny Gill: "Don't worry, Mrs Waddle, we'll get him to break his silence with some cunning 'Newcastle United takeover' questions. It never fails! He'll be asking for egg and chips before you know it!" Mrs Waddle: "Oh thank you so much, Ronny! I knew I could rely on you! Just don't send round that Lee Ryder bloke. Chris think's he's a tit." Ronny: "We'll try and send Mark Douglas, instead." Mrs Waddle: "Ok, see you then, bye."

If you're in the market for a cast iron oven then I know just the man.

I don’t know what is worse, the nonsense from Waddle, the fact that the chronicle prints it without challenging it or the penalty at Italia 90.

After a brief flirt with wetting the bed, my willy is once again in hand, waving furiously

Moved house. What a fuck on. People have been buying and selling houses for years, how is it still this stressful/difficult. House is nice but needs a square go on the refurb, and we wanna extend it so I know what I’m doing for over the weekend for the next few months. Never thought I would get the tools out again after my last gaff but meet and lass and shit like this just seems to happen

I love my deconstructed chips and curry sauce. A raw king Edward's potato, curry powder, onion and tap water. Champion worth the premium.

H did. when he won the Purple Heart for conquered the Fulwell before it was even built.

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs. Quality, with some awesome cameos.

You can just enjoy a win you know.

Are you saying we should bring back dog licences?

The first thing the new owners should buy is a catapult to fire Bruce into the Tyne. Let Pochettino release the lever.

Chris Waddle has been drinking, not me.

You want the politicians then, not the justice system. Fixing this problem, these people, requires spending money on reforming and rehabilitating them - and if we can't do that, there should be some manner of avenue available for retaining them in prison indefinitely (if a danger to the community). Otherwise we're just kicking the can down the road IMO. The issue is the crime and what drives it - the early release is just a distraction.

...and the IQ of a fencepost.

No interest in Waddle’s opinion on anything tbh. He’s got a chip on his shoulder re: NUFC

Steve Wraith in a few weeks time, "say what you will about Saudis human rights record, but they run a tight ship."

Mandy is looking a bit rough, like. Not often you see people get so much work done that they transform into a Punch and Judy puppet but she’s accomplished it

It’s funny on there today like. It goes from wanting Sheffield Utd to win to them being absolutely shite. There’s also someone saying how cringeworthy a club we are because of how much the crowd noise went up when we scored. When it was pointed that Sky controlled it they claimed to have known that but that Sky had made it louder for us because they’d bought into the idea of our fan base being so passionate.

It's like being attacked by a pack of Fozzy Bears.

I legitimately do think this is one of those examples where the people saying 'All Lives Matter' should just say that they're racists. There is no logical argument for their position once all the facts surrounding the statements are on the table.

SHITE TEAMS MATTER

Same thing

Cats. Honestly, nowhere near as bad as the reviews suggest.

What sort of person would vote for Trump you ask?

Walt Disney really was a dodgy fuck, wasn't he?

The biggest problem with Steve Bruce is that he's the sort of manager you appoint when the height of your ambition is to stay up. Rafa was the opposite of that. He gave us hope that perhaps over time we could build and become more than a team whose sole aim every season was to avoid relegation. That isn't particularly Bruce's fault but he was warned before he took the job what he faced.

Shite

Good luck with. We just bought a new place and the key stipulation was that it needed as little as possible doing to it. The process of buying it is stressful enough, fuck having to then carry out major refurbishments.

Fucking hell. Mind you Bruce looks like he’s from Royston Vasey....

Followed by Baines signing on the dotted line.

The many hairs all over Richard Keys just all stood up

He’s constantly trolling but not only unable to take criticism but also come up with well written pieces. Compare it to Caulkin, especially his last one..,

Aye, he literally put out a tweet when the Company house information on all this broke saying it was meaningless bollocks because he didn’t understand the bit that sounded to him like Ashley was loaning them money. He took the tweet down after someone explained it to him, then he acts like he actually knows what he’s talking about regarding legal rulings, business, and finance.

Pretty sure that's his default setting anyway. Just needed Joelinton to whip off a mask and reveal it was actually Pogba who scored the goal to set him into full meltdown.

The crowd have had enough and gone home.

Even more impressive if he pulls off the drinking water and talking trick whilst being dead.

And all the pain of his death instantly comes back.

Like a scene from Game of Thrones that.

I knew it as soon as I’d seen who posted I’m trying to think where the fuck I saw one not long ago that was charging £2.99. Three fucking quid!

Do you think he can taste his sister whilst he’s sucking his dad off?

CT certainly is good at digging holes...