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I don’t clap. I just walk into the street and accept the adulation

“ Hello, is that FFP admin office?” ”Oui, cest nous. Comment je peu vous aide?” “ This is Mr. Bin Salmaan,of Newcastle United. Hands are really useful when typing out letters saying we haven’t broken FFP regulations, aren’t they?” “ Le Gulp!”

Someone wasn’t hoarding bog roll, were they?

A fleet of jeeps arrived at the SoL, Dabizas steps out, wearing shades, surrounded by heavies in suits and approaches a man in a red and off white tracksuit which has seen better days. Nicos: "Are you the groundsman?" Groundsman: "Err....yes." ND: "Great. We're here for your goalkeeping nets. I'm going to hang them on the wall of the new gym that's going to be built at Newcastle United. For old times sake." Groundsman: "Err, has the Don said it's ok?" Heavies and Nikos menacingly approach the man more closely..... ND: "Don, Who?" Groundsman: " Err, I'll get them straight away, Sir. FTM!" Dabizas turns and looks.... Groundsman: "I mean, I'll get them straight away and have a nice day, sir." The fleet of jeeps pull away from the SoL, nets in the back of Dabizas' vehicle, one of the heavies looks back in his rear view mirror and hockles out of his open window in disgust. The opening titles start to roll down and that mackem kid starts to sing about boats signalling the beginning of the first episode of 'Sunderland till I die' series 3.

We definitely need to invest in the academy & training facilities. We can’t have Leo Messi taking his ice bath in a council bin.

"As the long awaited liberation of the cathedral on the hill dawns for the fans who once sung about winning 'F*** all again, we'll still follow United' I spoke to someone who needs no introduction to the toon army and who knows a thing or two about takeovers at Newcastle United. I spoke to one time black & white star Kevin Brock about his thoughts on the takeover and his perspective having seen the eventual takeover by the magpie group to oust Gordon Mckeag by the man who built the MetroCentre, a certain Sir John Hall who had a dream about the Geordie nation....."

Last month was the 50th anniversary of taking it good and proper.Good and proper mind and I mean good and proper.

Massive thanks to those that voted, somehow the Magpies are through! We must be one of the smallest clubs to reach round 3 and we've beaten a much bigger club. Thank you all again, from everyone here. I don't know when round 3 is but I'll let you know 😁

Aye, there’s only De Bruyne, Cancelo, La Porte, Sterling, Mahrez, Mendy, Stones, Walker, Sane, Silva and Mangala who cost more.

I'm old so still a bit new to the forums but thanks all for the advice. If anyone spreads the word on my behalf thank you very very much in advance! Thank you too to those who have voted, it genuinely means a lot to the area. The Magpies link might seem unusual but its so obvious when you see the kit and badge! What has raised the stakes is that we're up against Ystradgynlais which is a major local club so a win for little Alltwen would be fantastic for the village, especially with morale low at the moment. We're currently around 200 votes ahead so fingers crossed we can sneak into the next round tonight. Thanks again to you all 😁

This is sportwashing, pure and simple, there’s no point in pretending otherwise. It also offers no indication that this is a precursor to human rights reforms in SA. They really are as cruel and backward as ATP says. But saying that there is absolutely no moral judgement to be made on us as a club. If the last 13 years have proved anything it’s that we have no say in who owns us. There’s nothing illegal about this deal. It’s very much possible to be critical of Saudi Arabia and to also celebrate getting rid of Mike Ashley and looking forward to the hundreds of millions about to be spent on us.

Not sure why, but this reminds of someone running into a Chinese takeaway round my neck of the woods many years ago, bollock naked, wearing only a tache, a manic grin and off their fucking nut and jumping on the counter, laying their knob across it and shouting 'Here! Fucking batter this!'

The waiting is doing my head in. I WANT IT NOW. Bring me Ashley’s head on a stick!

34” base

I say this honestly CT. The collection of photos you have put on this thread are magnificent. Organise them into book format with the recipe instructions, get a book deal (or I'm sure nowadays you can do this yourself or with minimal crowd funding, @Rayvin might know), and get this out. Have your face on the inside cover, and brief biog. Hard back coffee table style. Honestly think it could be a huge hit. You've got enough material now.

I fuck my sister.

Has someone just figured out how to edit posts as an admin

Aye, it was before all the Saudi oil money, her most recent comments on our spending plans were, ‘gan radge and neck cowies’. Whatever that means.

Are these his carer’s instructions?

Do you like to take it good and proper up the Fulwell End?

Can you tell I was putting off doing my work today. I’ve also been getting right into the cans tonight and I feel good about this whole thing lads, it’s going to happen.

A Good point

I was transferring through Dubai years ago, shitfaced. I stepped over a low barrier to join a smaller queue and was berated by ex number 4. To which I slurred, a little too loudly, “what they gonna do, cut me hands off?” typed from my chinstrap

What was the name of that bloke who thought Mike Ashley was finally getting the hang of this football lark?

Here’s some tips for you next time you make a pizza. 1. Don’t use a fucking plasterers trowel to apply the topping- for a 10 inch pizza ( thats the diameter, not thickness), use 1 tablespoon (absolute maximum, use less tbh) of pizza sauce. 2. Don’t put fucking bolognaise on a pizza. ( but if you must, see above, put a few teaspoons of it dotted around). 3. Cheese- use fresh, diced or sliced mozzarella if you can. If not, the pre-grated stuff is fine. Not cheddar! Again, don’t go fucking apeshit with it. 4. Practice rolling things in to a circular shape beforehand- try not to bite through your tongue when you’re doing it though.

Come on now, it's not cone shaped

Someone painted some budgies brown and told you they were chickens, didn’t they?

Danny B or such like. Spurs Cunt

https://fedtrust.co.uk/brexit-transition-in-a-time-of-pandemic/

DON’T YOU DARE QUOTE ME AGAIN IN MY DOMINION OR I WILL COME DOWN ON YOU WITH THE FORCE OF THOUSAND HURRICANES BE GONE, VILE MAN!

( I’ve known how to do it since Aeris ).

What was that rock hard, Scouse comedian on cruise ships who had a thing about Cheryl Cole and the black eyed peas, called?

I’m a proper toucher.

Fuck off

NIKKOSSSSSSSSSSSSSS......... hadn’t really appreciated how good Robert’s ball in was till just now ☺️

Done @WelshGeordie get yourself on Newcastle online forum mate. We have quality on here, they have numbers

I saw somebody mention the Leipzig approach who, I believe, pumped obscene money into coaching, scouting and a state-of-the-art training facility and acquired a load of affiliates all over the world to pick up their best young players. Less spending on big names and more just establishing a machine behind everything. It wouldn't surprise me if they very quickly built an expensive new training ground and academy. The one thing that should, at least, be very fucking obvious is that we should be hoovering up any young North Eastern player of any real quality whatsoever. Set up club-run 4G pitches all over the region, hold regular youth leagues and cast your eye over the talented ones. I'm not sure if any old fucker can fund football in schools but donating a load of top-notch football gear to schools seems an obvious idea as well.

Never mind that, Nikos Dabizas is in the looking for Director of Football

I watched the Health Select Committee yesterday and Prof Anthony Costello was on. He mentioned these Oxford vaccinologists and said they were 80 percent certain they'd have a vaccine by September. Presumably there's then a fairly significant lead time to mass produce it, and if I know one thing about this government, they won't give the idea of getting ahead on production facilities a single thought, so expect our lead times to be a multiple of everyone else's.

He can’t resist replying to each and every troll on twitter. Even when he’s been absolutely owned and the smart thing would be to stay quiet, he just can’t help himself

👍 Don't change, Essembee.

I was going to reply to this seriously but I honestly don’t have the energy.

You can’t “reuse” single use PPE safely, especially masks. Regards, H&S Manager